-part 2- Forehead To Forehead Leaning On Each Other

Just as I had decided and was still in the days of accepting that *he would never call,

*Forhead To Forhead Leaning On Each Other -part 1-

I was sitting and writing another wordpress article, about us humans, involving love and fear, the two main factors that our entire species psyche is operating in and from, constantly all the time. And surely enough, in that, at some point, he came into my writing again.

But in the middle of it he called. …and any and all mysteries got solved.

But anyway back to this -part 2- here; So, he interrupted my whole other world of dissapointed-with-him-Again vibes, so that I had a total culture shock-/jetlag- type of trip from it. And on top of that, within 24 hoursfrom hid call, we met in Dresden!, later that night.

It felt both too neutral and calm, which could have been a good wise or mature thing. But then everytime passionate personal expression (for more connection) would start happening, then he either iterrupted with something totally impersonal, or just otherwise changed the subject.

I felt he was uninterested (in real human things/what matters the most in real/prescious human connection) and thereby uninterested in my person and feelings of things, unintelligently disrespectful with his lack of listening. It started to make him unsympatic, as it showed lack of cultivation, knowledge, things on deeper levels, experience, empathy, which is the general sums of the lack of wisdom.

I started feeling the disconnection, and the arguments we had on the 2nd day already, were just supporting that as well.

3rd morning was early departure in this hotel, so as I had wandered half lost home alone the night before, I had locked the door from within, so even though he had his keycard, he wouldn’t get in unless he’d make me hear him at the door.

So I woke up alone, and had everything ready to be fast down for breakfast and wait for my good friend Alex to pick me up.

But as I sat there alone at my breakfast table, I noticed myself gazing towards the people coming from the elevators, still holding on to, that he could come to his senses and walk over to me from there any moment, expressing the right things.

But I knew already now, that this was my own romantic version of the story, and eventually he walked directly from there, out to the smoking spot right outside the front doors of the hotel, and his walk appeared intoxicated.

I had just finished with breakfast and was as well ready with my coffe for a cigarette, and now I was curious about this drunk looking condition he seemed to be in. So I went out there.

He had aparently drunken with some people and smoked weed, fallen asleep on the way back to the hotel, been woken up by some bypassing kind people and had made it back super wasted in the morning

As I had arrived a couple of hours earlier, I had gone to the night-watcher in the reception, and asked if there was anything at all to eat, and he had replied, no, not until 7am. And it was sometime after 4am at the time. So I took my serious, bad mood drunken face up to bed. And apparently the same regeptionl guy, had followed his drunken highness up to the door, and found him at our door, unable to get in, and kindly offered and advised him to sleep in another room two doors down the hall, which he had willfully accepted.

But apparently there was not enough sleep time for him to sober up.

I just stood there, amd just like the evening before, I was just observing and listening to him, like you could a kid, and felt that it was useless feeling any anger or hurt, as he appeared so pitiful and lost. Yet there was nothing bad/mean about him, but rather lots of kind and adveturous energy.

Still it all fits into a kid.

I realized that I had not known a few side-character traits of his, and neither had I noticed the alcohol issue. And so there was nothing to even be sad about. Except maybe loosing myself with someone, in a dreamy and hopeful fog, instead of holding back these horses, till after having gotten all the way out of the fog, to see if we’d even come out in togetherness or seperation.

Sometimes, once you come out of the fog, you realize what you couldn’t see enough of all thenperson’s characteristics while in there, not even properly synchronized with what is highly relevant and important for you.

But we smoked together, and we spoke (mostly him though), and he invited to the military museum accross the street from our hotel, as we had talked about the day before.

There as he started getting into knowledge and history, while he was sobering up, I saw some of that what spoke to me of another, greater, more knowlegeable confidant man in him. And I made a tiny joke of it, as I told him, I hate you and I love you. Thank you for not allowing me to become lost in you.

We probably do need to be lost somewhere on some level in our lives, so the best level is with your life partner. To be able to honestly say, I can never feel lost in any place in the world really, because I feel too lost in my love at home to feel lost anywhere else, or in anything else!

The woman of such a relationship, is lost because her man always takes the time to play detective and figure her out, professionally works very successfully with what he loves to do, yet still puts her first, as his most admired and mysterious wonderful joy, who he is always keeping up with in understanding. …keeping up with her growth and development in life. And she does the similar with him, so that they’re actually helping or rather affecting each other to be tthe best version of themslves.

A man is in this state if she never stops seducing his mind, at least on some levels, and being his home-heart one, who is equally always interested to understand her partner.

The foundation of a good relationship can only be profound friendship. That’s what it means when a couple are each others soulmates, ~ they are as if each others lover, sister, brother, father and mother. They are highly intelligent and wise.

I thought Marco and I could develop something of that caliber when we first started getting close. I guess alcohol just has the tendency to get in the way of having clear and sharp ~accurately feeling senses.

I wish all humams to ne young at heart, to be able to get together without any altering substances, so they actually get to experience profound connection.


Ok, I Give In & Admit

Surrounding environment has always been very important for my state of being. I’ve noticed throughout life, that it affects the state of me, of how I think ~and feel. So I know very well, that it has some energy/frequency to it, just like everything else does.

This place feels like some kind of greyzone. Chomutov is definitely a very weird and poor feeling place. It feels like some forgotten place that the world doesn’t know about. The lack of worldly knowledge and experience seems great here. …so tiny-world’ish, too simple, like some kind of hillbillies or so. Most of the facades of the buldings are so dull. The style and all the tones of colours still look as they did during kommunist times.

Even when whiping the sink or kitchen table in the flat here, feels lousy! It all wobbles!? The sink is not only small, but also of very thin/bad quality, so that it sort of gives in, or even trembles. Even the doors to each room here, feel so thin and fragile, and make trembling glass noises when you touch them. The stairways to the flats here are covered in a sand coloured cream pattern 70’s/80’s looking linoleum.

Feels weird to me that my friend is living like this. No wonder he feels so depressed!

In one of the old buildings, where my friend knows someone who has a oriental shop, it all appears so …well, as I went to get a glass of water in the kitchen behind the counter, I got the feeling of everything needing care and tastefullness, and even serious cleaning and renovation.

I love old architecture, and don’t understand why nobody seems to see the beauty in it and care for it here.

In general, it all appears dusty, old-dirty, lousy looking, and all the functional amenities are the cheapest of quality. Why even waste the materials on producing such things!? Well ok it’s the human monopoly-game world that causes such things. …sad sheeple level poverty is what it is.

Forhead To Forehead, Leaning On Each Other


It would be insane to go against the good feelings, to be, in fact just, flat out dishonest, and worst of all ~ to ones own self! It would be absolutely sheeple sht insane for me to pretend not to feel all those good feelings, and to instead just to play hard to get/games, when this physical life is rather too short than too long.

Playing such games causes destruction. Just look at history. If you look back, you can see the wasted away time, the wasted potentials of all the good, SIMPLY the murder of magical living. There is so much wonder and wonderful to be lived. But you never get to it, as you keep feeding the destructive qualities of man, always minimizing the good, not.to get too carried away/not to get too dreamy, but hello!?!, getting carried away dreamy, causes creation of worlds and beyond. You are all creators (which the rulers don’t really want you to know).

My life time is not for stupid games. Such low-life underbeing/sheeple shait in fact bores the soul out of you, which helps to make you more numb and dumb, which trains you to feel less, as it brings the primitive, prehistoric, outdated and most ugly side of humans out; the hunting conqueror side ~ a greedy egotripping side, which destroys life, which destroys everything, just to build more monopoly-life games and rigid structures, where good energy doesn’t flow. And it is not even just my opinion, but rather my intuitive wisdom, while more relevantly, it is scientific fact. But in this human monopoly society, we have mainstream science, which tends to be dishonest and even manipulative for stupidifying purposes, in order to rule and control the the world of man. Keeping you dumb, feeling less, while feeling is the key to your own intuition and creation of your life. The rulers skillful manipulation of everything at nearly every level, every sector and part of human life, keeps deviding people, and even deviding the individual from the pure own magnificent self.

Just feeling my soul, sitting there hanging on each other, forhead to forhead, drifting away, just breathing together.

Once back in my physical senses, feeling like being back in the room with my awareness, it felt clear to me, that we both were individually in our soul feeling space for a moment, but together, simultaneously, while just sitting there, forhead to forehead, breathing together, …just in the feelings of it all, the good feeling atraction with each other. Just totally and completely in and with the moment, feeling like having been drifting away from the world together for a moment.

In a short time out of life, like stolen moments from the time that was supposed to be just bullsht talk and fake smiles, just EnterTainment, while we instead followed the pure of feeling, and became all real.

We’d spoken of things that truly matter to us, even of empathy, and of how we feel about things in life, and what we like, and so forth. We even exchanged likes of such things like music and other things, and eventually felt like teenagers, in other words innocent, just pure and so free with each other.

And all the while, these timeless feeling energies, and some out of the ordinary good-feeling attraction, just kept growing and expanding.

Happy good feeling energies.

Even though the fear of believing in all of it was there. But only vaguely, and too weak to interrupt our drifting and soaring so free.

Just sitting there, hanging on each other, forehead to forehead, breathing together.

I couldn’t believe that I was feeling all this right here, in this place of all fake smiles and talks, and the whole environment of the place in general, but none of it mattered!? Not at all!

I had to kiss him. …and we were melting into each other. …carried off by totally blissful adveture-feeling, and made out in a place where you just don’t make out. Especially not me. Ever! …but like a tilt in my reality, we did!? …and couldn’t do otherwise, because the feelings were overtaking/too strong.

So to say, it was a huge amount of emotion to digest.

And yeah, so at some point, we just sat there, hanging on each other, breathing together. …giving up the resisting of surrender, pausing and hanging in the feeling. …of giving in.

Leaning on each other forehead to forehead, his hands resting on my hips, and mine resting on his shoulders.

We just sat there hanging on each other, breathing together …getting lost within some liberating-when followed feeling.

… relaxed within the intensity of feelig powerful surrender, allowing the pleasant emotional exhaustment of feeling anything else but the surrender it self.

At some point he whispered, Kiss me slowly.

Everytime his hands began to love my body, I started feeling like slowly vanishing from the chaos of the world, breath by breath, move by move.

And as I feelt the calming sensations and his whisper, I helplessly melted into him.

He told me how he was watching me by the sauna, and later laying naked on the grass. He said that nobody in this town ever laid on the grass there!?

Now back in Berlin, I can’t sleep. He’s on my mind, and it’s like I feel his energies within my own universe. I want to be with him now! …enjoying all this together.

I feel in love.

His touch feels sensitive, tuned in, …of a higher frequency, …even feels safe, ~gentle and loving, soft and sensitive, ~powerful.

His kiss feels like a gentle awakening, and I feel like the world doesn’t really matter all that much.

Hello, I think about him all the time!? I can still see his his eyes looking into mine. And the image of him sitting outside at the sauna place in his turquoiseBlue bathrobe, smoking, with the breeze blowing through his hair, keeps replaying.

Yeah, I have got to be in love.

And Terrence Trent D’Arby is singing out loud here;

[Holding on to you,

means letting go of pain,

means letting go of tears,

means letting go of rain.

Holding on to you

means letting go of

what’s not real.] …exactly how it felt, as we just sat there leaning on each other, forhead to forhead just breathing.

His name was Marco. But it doesn’t even matter …since he hasn’t called yet and I havent got his number.

And as I’m a curious being, and haven’t had any Sagittarius male in my world, I looked into this zodiac sign, and even though I know that it so often doesn’t fit on everyone, anyway just the chance that this guy might be more or less fitting the describtion of a male Sagittarius, who supposedly are, more often than not, of that type of man who wants to hunt a woman, it is a turn off to me, to even just have to consider, that I might be better off playing hard to get. Fck what a waste of time. I’m a Gemini, and proud to say that I am highly sensitive and following my heart in life. I’m a free soul, who’s desire and appetite for life and adventure, gets bored with games. Games are for stupid people. And at the same time also, if a man thinks he’s Got Me, just because I bravely follow my good feelings, fearlessly free, then he is a stupid fool. I dont want to be hunted like an animal, when I’m in fact a higher level of being than the average humans. And neither do I want to be concoured like a teritory. A free soul can not be concoured.

Fck humans and their limiting illusions. It’s hard enough as it is (to not get brainwash blinded and loured into dumb sht), being surrounded by a majority of severe stupidity, and constantly bombarded from this monopoly-life society, with all the stupidifying crap about everything and all the prescribed ideas of how we should be and live our lives.

Makes me angry inside to even just think, that maybe all I said and did (being all free and pure, instead of playing any mating games), could be why he hasn’t contacted me. That would just be too dumb. But maybe that is the real reason why this guy is single.

It’s so disappointing ~ so sad to even just have to consider, that maybe he is just another sheeple human. …when I want to life life fully, following my wild but very sensitive heart, which creates amazingly beautiful, exiting adventures. There is so much to discover on this wondeful planet, so many paradise places to go, both physically and mentaly, and even emotionally and spiritually. So I simply can not waste my time on stupid games, even if I thought I wanted to.

I am not the one loosing anything in this case.

I am going there, to this town again (becausey other dance booking turned out to be a very unpleasant energy workplace with dictatorial management, and racist flags on the ceilings) so I will undoubtedly see and sense what it all really is and isn’t with this guy anyway. But at this point, since he hasn’t contacted me (and the zodiac descriptions pretty much fit into this fact), I can only leave the benefit of a doubt to him and perhaps be pleasantly surprised after all. It can’t surprise me anymore, how most people turn out to be sheeple (who think that they’re not sheeple). And if he should turn out to just be a simple human sheep, than at least the nice seeming part was inspiring.