Profound Happiness

Personal experience about profound happiness, is apparently something everyone wants to know. And when I look around I guess I am extremely lucky, to have more than one of such experiences.

Financial freedom and its independence always made me feel so good, being so free. But I have also felt wanting to give all of that away, just to have really intelligent, good and loving people in my life instead. …and environment that makes fuller sense for me in genral.

But how, in what ways do we actually achieve the happiness that doesn’t let you feel down about anything for too long? How does one achieve such profound happiness? Do any of us even really know!? Or do we just realize it allong the way?

The first time around, I realized that being enveloped estetic luxury, togetherwith listening to beautiful classical and reiki types of music all the while, makes me feel so high on life, that even all the things that would normally bother me in some way, just can get me.

Seccond time, years later, I realized that I also didn’t know how landscapes with blue skies in a warm climate could give me also help sum things up to such profound happiness that its as if you’re high on life and/or feel rather satisfied, and surely winning in life.

The third version of profound happiness, was with the two first ones combined. But none of them was anything I had ever expected or been even just aware of! I had no idea that these things had such effect on me.

But as well, all at the same time, some people are really just born happy go lucky, achieving what they desire rather fast and easy, especially compared to people in general, working hard or long for what they want. But having mett so many people globetrotting, traveling most of all my life, I can say that it seems as though none of them are really intelligent clever or smart, but just resonating that something most of us are drawn to; profound happiness. And being around them all the time for years, really helps immensely. You as well end up acheiving profound happiness. Environment truly is everything, for most of us. The company you have the most, usually does affect you enough in the long term.

Looking at those happy go lucky people, asside my own profound happiness experiences, it appears that we generally do not know, what will be of profound happiness to us, untill we are actually experiencing them. While most of us never experience enough in life to ever truly discover those natural highs of just life itself, and settle for some of the best fitting stuff that happens to be in our environment.

Let’s not forget that, and have a perfect day.

Next: Profound Happiness #2


Where Best To Spend Christmas & New Year’s

Where it could possibly be the best to spend such days as Christmas and New Year, would most likely be in some stunning mountain locations where there is some snow, as most of us are most fond of those times being rather all White with snow, and that especially Christmas.

And while even the usually all full of snow locations, such as the high mountains, now as well don’t have as much snow as they used to, they still do have snow, and even enough for all the snow-sports to still be in full action, such as the Alps. …located in Europe.

Even just at the lower altitudes, at the very begining/the first parts of the Alps mountains, you will still find some snow, but mostly only up on the highest mountain tops, and while all the cities around still just look rather grey without the snow, the Alps areas even still have plenty of natures green colors, creating stunning colorful views.

As a good example of how it all stands these days with the whole subject of white Christmas, and winter time snow in general, here is one of the very closest Alps locations, nearest to the German city of Munich.

Visually one could say, that it appears as if we have all seasons in one and the same time.
Stunning views, especially in real life, rather than just in a photo.
As this image of only the very “foot” beginning of the Alps shows, the furthe up into the Alps mountains you go, the more snow you will find.

May you have a Happy & All Perfect New Year.

Thank you for your time.

Trauma-house; Greenhouse Berlin 

I SO WANT but feel like I can’t …even …

yeah WRITE ABOUT IT …about Greenhouse Berlin

(House Logo)

about what’s going on here …

Freakin’ “mental institution” a total nut house …without any squirrels

in this so-called greenhouse/artist-house here, this experience going into being 2 years deep now (I did document some of the visual sides of the fragmenting experiences of winter 2015-2016 in these *photos & video-clips which all together say it way better than I will be able to do now). …being a time that I feel as if I might have been a bit unfit for. But when searching for how it could fit in, or somehow even be familiar, then I find that in personal growth I do tend to end up diving in hard. So perhaps it just happened automatically/naturally, as meant to be, since most everything is part of personal growth. …for me at least. And something up in this place, having been so intense, tells me that there is some clearly-to-me old-related patterns reapearing, messing up my way, and even blocking me, getting me affected too easy. … and now in this GHB house I’m heavier stuck than ever before!

While I’ve been unable to do anything, and as of yet still feel so damn stuck, I do see and feel here as well (of course) I can be anything I want and percieve or not, whatever by own choice in this damn environment, and make my very own extractions from even this place (since there is some good among bad as well, and sometimes even directly or extremely). But lately I’m not even able to be my own creator, so it’s all feelin’ seemingly so pointless.

So “funny” what this place makes me occupy my being with! Utterly nbelievable!

So often I’ve jokingly said »fake it till you make it« and I know this funny tip works in the right hands, but I can’t fake it really, and hardly ever really could. But I’m used to having humor, which apparently covers the averagely known signs of a sad, depressed, loney, stuck n traumatized~anxietyfull, self-loathing adult, containing the soul of a bruised little child, who refused to grow up because of the mostly miserable and pathetic adult-world that was displayed around me.

Well yeah, that is part of my own self analysis. …a pretty common theme of the human though. ..more negative than positive I mean.

When Mika and I moved me in here, there was no stove, just two small cooking things with thick layers of burned old caramelized food on them. Then Mika brought a used cool looking /steel-stove.

At the time the floor was an office floor, the most quiet and neat of the entire house. It had 3 big empty rooms, and there was hardly any things in our commonspaces.

Later he also brought a cool steel serving-trolley and a steel corner kitchen table. But it turned out, as the rooms were getting filled with new party life style renters, that the more surfaces, and the larger the surfaces, the more mess n filth which seemed to be growing on them all by the minute. …so eventually, after a few months, I had to do the most easy n logic kind of sollution, and took the trolley, cleaned it, and cramped it into my studio room, and gave some other rack of stainless steel to my installation artist friend Karima.

You can almost see the steel trolley in the lower left corner of this photo. …well just a tiny part of the handle.

SmilaZ Berlin ARTIST-STUDIO jul.2015-jul.2017

My “goa-corner” sofa setting substitute, and guest bed futon.

Eventually another party-couple moved in, who were a wanna-be hippie and a squatter. And within a week we started having flies in winter! The girl was basically putting all types of foods and fruits and veg. out side the fridge, and all the time leaving dishes n other used stuff with half eaten foods, on our dining/meeting/common-space work-table, being a nasty mess on top of what already was accumulating here, from the constantly zooded n careless people. And all though I managed to do some work that turned out to get rid of the flies in less that 24 hours, while this new girl Clara, was away on festivals, as soon as she returned, the flies (as if returned with her) were as well back within 48 hours. And nobody seemed to give a damn about that or anything. But everyone always comming knocking at my door for borrowing any and every freakin thing possible, several times a day.

But even worse was, that my own boyfriend (at that time) of nearly 7years, started arguing against me, regarding those flies not being a normal thing to have during cold winter, all though where we previously lived together, our compost bin only had flies during the winter, every single year. Yeah a total Narsisist! So anti-team, anti-pertners in life, unsupportive, so mean.

Then this Clara girl broke up with her day&night-stoned boyfriend, and started seeing a new guy on our floor (who’s body hairs were all over the bathroom) and as they had just gotten together, and she must have told him confidently about me having trouble with all the dirt n filth everywhere, because suddenly he had left on the table, a tiny plate with a plain spaghetti portion, way-to-big for the plate. Everything about it just seemed like provoking me on purpose to show her, that he was on her side, (unlike my cold ass narsisist boyfriend). But I told myself, no that can’t be, that would be too childish, but as we had to move all in the kitchen a bit around for the new cut in the wall, to make a half open kitchen, a ton of the smaller kitchen things were put out of the way, and some to the side where this guys door happened to be.And as he saw the little plate of spaghetti there, he immediately started making an issue out of it to me, and then she came into the scene as well, and they were basically both saying, that everything is fine and normal clean, so that I must be crazy. …it felt as if some conspiracy against me, right in my face. And in the next days they put a rotten portion of food covered with a plate, on our now brand new kitchen counter. This time I was not doubting the provocation-attempt at all, but in order not to let myself loose my mind, I turned my humor on it, and made an installation “worth € 7.000.000,-” out of it ~ *see in this Video.

(here is another crazy-world video, of those that i can hardly believe that I actually have made!)
AND HERE IS ONE OF THE VERY LAST AND MORE NORMAL VIDEOS I MADE, right before I moved out of there, at which time actually I had grown fond of some new floor-mates.

More about GHB.