My word is my wand

As your thoughts or lips move, producing words, with or without any humanly detectible sound (~vibration~energy), your wand is moving around on the canvas of life; painting your world, drawing the details~ producing your reality, and thereby revealing your perceptions all at the same time.

If you can dream it up, you can create it. When you are thinking of it, you are creating it. When you don’t worry about it, it is manifesting for you. When you let it flow freely, it flows dirrectly to you.

FEAR is rather more ~ False Evidence Appearing Real.

We are living in a duality, and we are The Creators. We are partly of physical forces and partly of nonphysical forces. We are of soul energy and spirit energy. That is also why we often may feel like we are seeking something, because we sometimes happen to be more with and in our physical, than with and in our nonphysical, and/or vice versa, which of course causes us to feel as if something is missing, as if we’re longing for something, seeking something, and yes, we are longing and seeking for the other seemingly missing aspect, which is all the time there, even while.we are tunned away from it. But as well we are often in the middle, in our center, in our “S”, perfectly ballanced with both aspects of us, the physical and the nonphysical.

It is the ones who doubt and won’t believe to hear their inner voice, the so called invisible, the seemingly intangible, who may feel that they remain lost, simply because they are simply just choosing to be desconnected from their own soul.

Since my word is my wand, it is good to know (the fact of what so many people have told me) that I am very good with words. So let’s do it, here we go, there’s nothing to it.

MY OWN DREAM EXAMPLE

Most of the time, I wake up in the warm climate, in what feels like my palace or my temple, with stunningly beautiful nature everywhere, so colorful yet beautifully simple at the same time as if perfectly set, and many dreamlike beaches around in different distances. Looks like Can Punta.

I am in close realionships with deeply loving, creative and organized good friends, who live healthy and sporty lifestyles, and all of that keeps inspiring and motivating me to be my best, and keep learning ~ growing ~ improving.

Once a month we have a few days of everyone doing coconutwater fasting, always humorously and slightly competing to see who will keep it up the longest, which is usually ranging from 3 days to 1 week, and occasionally longer. We all conclude that it just shows who’s body needed it the most.

Many of us live in our base-home part time and travel between work family and friends.

Generally every morning, we meet up in groups of whoever lives closest to eachother, to run and do squats, and mostly as well the 5 tibetans.

My mind is more clear than ever, and my creativity flows abundantly. Often I feel like a super being, especially because, everything is just flowing and working so perfectly. And even though everything is changing all the time, it’s all perfect anyway. Even the occasional struggles feel right.

That I am generally a good influence on others, is another thing I’ve been told so oftent in my life, and now I’m seeing it clearly here n there, allong the way, alot of the time. …again, finally.

Whatever I’m good at, and whatever skills and good sides reside in me, are all somehow more effective, stronger more penetrating and active now, then ever before.

Money making business has become a small habitual thing of the day, like going to the bathroom. There are no worries nor complications to it. It just flows and grows like the plants that get all the water and nourishment that they need to strive.

I wake up feeling pleased and fresh, happy to be alive, and I fly out of bed much the same as I used to do when I was a child. And it all feels really good. …just like I knew it would.

My main base is, as I always knew it had to be, in a sunny warm and blue skied climate, with nature that makes my heart smile so that I feel it in all my cells. Very similar to how I felt when I lived on ibiza before, during 2005 to 2011.

My main house is the perfect dreamhouse for me, everything about it feels so good to me, no matter where I look, what I touch, or what I’m doing, it’s all just the perfect environment for me with all the learning toys and practice toys I can use, weather I swim or I sing, dance, design, sew or write a concept, a plain text or a song. I have everything. Even a big workshop space for building and creating big things with many people if we need.

Even, so often when I arrive home I feel welcomed by a sense of loving restoring and rejuvenating energies. Often it feels as if I during the day am living the moment so well, that I seem to forget the feeling of my home base, so that when I arrive home, I often feel something like taken by surprise, as it takes me when I start to feel gently enveloped with the calming and relaxing energies, restoring and rejuvenating me ~ those mighty healing energies that always await me at home. The Home That I Have Created.

When I am with my boyfriend in his part of the world for example, then I can feel and sometimes even see, how those good and well nourished energies are felt where ever I go, and how that so rapidly affects everything and everyone around me, generating good feelings on all levels and parts. Peoples projects and ideas get revived, as if touched by a good magician’s glittery dust of the divine, they get unstuck and start to blossom and flow. Things/ways that seemed to not be working, suddenly turn out to be all perfectly functional or replaced by new things/ways, and even better than one would originally have imagined. …which sounds so familiar.

And funny for me is, that I don’t feel that any credit for any of it belongs to me, but rather I feel blessed with overtaking luck, all enveloped in some super power magic of mighty love, which sticks to me and is therefore logically felt by most everyone that come close to me. It doesn’t feel mine, or made by me. It most accurately verbalized, feels like something universally divine has settled in me, or with me, divinity rooted in my life. It feels (best put into words) like I am being taken good care of, by a universal family I hadn’t realized that I have. And it feels as weird as it sounds.

As well, I spend most of my time mainly in Europe. Mostly I’m in Ibiza, Mallorca, and Munich, but I’m also, pretty regularly, spending time in Berlin, Paris, Cannes, Karlovy Vary, Portugal, and here n there, in between it all, as well in Copenhagen, or somewhere in and around the Asiatic zones, or somewhere on the American territories as well.

In general I feel that the world stands heart-fully open for me, warmly inviting, and lovingly welcoming me everywhere.

The funniest thing is, that the beginning journey into the materialization of this reality that I am now living, stared with my sheeple-shirt business idea, which is a bit like a club of sheep people waking up to the whole sheeple society madness that we have to stop, and should have done so long ago.

I can feel that I am making a good difference in the world wherever I go, and I feel a peaceful/calming sense of belonging. …which is also weird but good weird feeling.

And I’ve noticed that I go to sleep with an over all satisfied feeling again finally, and that I wake up happy to get out of bed. I’m even told that I have a restful smile on my face when I’m asleep, which my grandMother also used to tell me, when I was a small child, up to the age of 6.

I guess you can say that I am reborn, within one and the same life.

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Content But Emotionally Drained

Actually I never feel like this!? But ok now I do! And I deserve to be filled with love and such good energies.

I deserve to be with people who are wise enough to just love unconditionally, ~ who are fearless, and not so overly concerned with themselves, that they just blindly knock out someone else on their way, while they storm in n out to check if there is anything they can use for their happiness here. .. just flying through like a hurricane, knocking out whoever it was, who was there on the other end of the very connection itself, and without even realising that they fractured someone on their way.

Intense energies of what appeared to be loving friendship bond, callint itself my soul-mate, came storming into my life, and left as fast as if the soul-mate concept was just a joke on me.

It was sweet, but selfabsorbed. Not a wise multisided being of many levels.

In fact, what a cruel illusion to serve to someone. Like serving a huge delicious meal to a starving person, but just to satisfy your own sore ego’s pride, with how well your virtual reality system works.

Though tiny traces are left here and there in my flat, so that I know it did actually take place. ..so that I know it was not all exclusively just to fool me. Rather I am wise enough to know enough levels, layers and sides, to know that this somone is in their own process. But at least a whole book or more appart from where I am at.

I even felt it from far (in his expressions of fascination with fancy cars, huge TV projections and sound systems), and then I even saw fractions of it here in person, in form of signs of further mainstream expressions (in the wearing a giant wristwatch, and collecting sneakers).

But I do suspect that he might catch up fast, because of his intensity of feeling things, and expressing self-analysis and reflection. But I don’t really know that for sure, because I don’t know how much he actually questions everything in life, incl.his self, and how much he actually seeks knowledge and truth, compared to that of how much he watches (the damn forsaken) UnterHaltung of TV and mainstream media.

It all happened so fast. But it was so intense, and left me so draned emotionally, that I slept 14 hours, and all day I felt too exhausted to even speak much, feeling all day, as if a train had hit me.

Now 24 hours later, I am recovering my heart from it all.

I know I am in a time where I finally best be getting divine support and unconditional love. Even though I have no one, not even any family left, I know it is my turn now anyway. Do it however you can universe!

It’s been more than enough of people using my love and kindness in so stupid ways, just wasting it all, and it’s been more than enough of all disturbing and painful events. It is time for the so far life-long ongoing theme of abandonmen to stop for good now.

Its also time for me to be here for me now. I resign from being living for others. It is time for me now.

This love that came by to just greet me, was a perfect example of, how I need to be taking care of me, face that there is no human hero nor saviour, besides myself. It is time to face that I am the hero and saviour that I wish for.

Humans are not here to love me, nor to help me, not even to understand me.

So fine with you all, showing me that I don’t have to keep serving and putting any of you first before myself anymore.

It’s good to know that I have lived my life for you all long enough, and that now, in order to ballance the scales, it is time for me to live for me.

I use it this experience as a reminder to love myself. So thank you for the reminding lesson.

imagining away like a child ~ creating the opposite in detail, automatically and continuously forever deleting the all self-absorbed, blind and crude behaviours and attitudes. 

I knew I hadn’t the psychological capacity at the moment, to withstand any of the negative and aggressive provocative energies, which always seem to be generated, in most any person taking coke on a daily basis, 24/7.

But mostly I find a way with anything, as there is a solution to everything. And sometimes you can turn a problem into an opportunity.

But I had decided to focus on all and any positive aspects I could find, and so I do it, against all odds, and against all impossibility. And what I arrive to in my fantasy, is almost to good to be true. …almost feeling like a lucky baby piggy so cute, but with wings. So soon I´ll be in shape again ~ all recuperated, and flying free again.

So I keep on doing this to survive, to keep my head above the poisonous waters here.

It’s so good to be here!
I’m so surprised how sweet and loving MY SIS is behaving. It almost freaks me out!? She is so open and honest about …wow!?, everything, even her substance abuse. We’ve never felt closer. And as we spoke and discussed about it, she said she found herself getting really clear about it with herself, for the first time ever feeling So extremely objective, from just talking and actually formulating all the feelings of it in to words to me, feeling safe to be deeply open and dead honest, laughing and frowning sometimes in agreement and sometimes in disagreement, freely without feeling disturbed for her openness ~without it ever being turned against her.
She is totally open to my feeling of things, and rather tries to explain to me what is good in something I disagree with, to get me with her on it. I mostly do feel with her in all, and end up having to chose voting for the better angle of options about some things. And she is so gracefully agreeing to disagree, without any anger and frustration.
She says she wants to enjoy being made more aware of different angles, of better suiting options to ponder, untill the day she makes the move to stop doing something, or till changes her perceiving point on something.

It was a nice long and very connected conversation, coincidentally no phones or any one or anything disturbing us, getting carried away in spilling our hearts to each other, and get tripping on digging deeper and getting even more clear about things, like we both know we both got some unidentified detail of dirt somewhere unnoticed, which needs some search and find, to figure out what it is, in order to figure out how to cleanse it out and away.
This time it was her, who felt most funny over how putting it in words to me, made it tangibly crystal clear to herself, revealing what she wants the next steps to be, and with that as well what the next work years shall look like. Feeling the epiphany to implement some new energetic changes and adjustment, of how and where to spend the most attention on the energy-flows.

AND IN THE REAL OF REALITY, lucky for her that I know, that she is so good in how she goes into what she has decided, and makes the way shine with her creative and humor. WHEN SHE REALLY WANTS SOMETHING.

FIRST MORNING,
as we got up, she reacted so sweetly when she saw my bio foods all placed in her kitchen cupboards with all her stuff, it made me feel so welcome. The fact that she was saying she found it so sweet, how I tried to match where she keeps what, and that it feels so cozy to see all my stuff filling out spaces here and there, that it feels like someone has arrived home.
She made me feel so wanted, appreciated and above all BELONGING, that I rushed to give her a long cozy hug, successfully interrupting the feeling to cry, feeling like I have landed in safety, in unconditional love, where I can let my “deform existence” be showing as it does (so I can absorb it and digest it, to get through it and rid of it), while also totally relaxing aside the process, being in a place where I am so wanted and appreciated, that I can’t do anything wrong, where my attention is automatically being changed to better happier thoughts ~better vibes, because I am in an environment of pure love. This is where I recuperate my health, and I can feel it already. This is where I heal my heart and spirit.

Ok, like this it does feel like having arrived home. Wow!? 

She reminds me so profoundly of what it feels like to be loved, that I realize I had forgotten a few depth factors of what it actually does inside me.

We do ALL NEED a safe space of pure unconditional love, to rest and recuperate.

When I expressed that I felt worried about exchanging the few of my euros, in fear of ending up in some situation where I don’t even have money to at least just leave, she couldn’t believe that I still considered her to even just maybe still be capable of behaving like that which we call jewish between the two of us (because she’s a quater jewish and has always had that tendency to be very stingy).
My only sister, and best influence. My serious, figure-it-all-out and organize-it-all, highly sensitive,  lonely, and in need of feeling loved and wanted Sister. At a time like this, why would you expect that I wouldn’t take good care in All ways of you.
And when you even heard all I did for that young guy, who had so much stupid depth, just for drugs!?, you don’t think I would do more for you!?” Then she paused for a while, while I had nothing yet to to say, and then she said ,,I have to say, that! bothers me. It hurt at first, but now it rather just bothers me. I think maybe you are also traumatized from me!?”

Then I immediately responded ,,No I’m just in a bad place with the world around me in general, for too long, so stuck in perceiving bad feeling things coming at me, used to getting hurt and disappointed, too much. I am not traumatized from you anymore, since those times I was here working for you, when your new job was still complete news to me, and you took me shopping on your bill every time. Then I was stunned, and you kept impressing me with lovely reactions. And you came after me in the park, where I had gone down to cry and wish over everything alone. Then you showed up, and I couldn’t believe it, I started, for the first time, to really truly feel your love for me, I was blown away and started to really believe in you from that time, realizing then and only then, that i had never, sensibly, before, felt such good faith in you.         But, … or And!?, now you take that … stuff, but you behave to me like you must be on e really instead!? No, I know you would pay my ticket or give me money for something necessary. But I so want to, not have to ask for anything, and be fully well off self sufficient and free financially. I know worry is a waste, I’m sorry. I am all lala up there man.”

Before we went to sleep she told me where she keeps the cat’s food, and asked me to please give him so and so much at whatever hours, while she’d be gone all day. And the whole way she was so normal cool and kind about it, it was just so relaxing and kind. All at ease.

I know it seems like I’m tripping, getting high on nothing. But this means the world to me. This means I have good family, which is even good-feeling for me also. That is big. That is huge for me.
And it also means, that I have not wasted my love, nor my time and efforts, our whole lives ..hahaa… We get our own paradise before any death. Together we always can do anything and everything, when in those good connected modes of ours, full of fearless unconditional love and trust. Then we are powerful. And it feels like we can conquer the world. …which is always a good sign.

She told me sweetly to please keep her only shiny pot shiny free from watermarks, exusing saying that she’s a bit fixated here and there. And I was like, no hahaa.. good fixation, I love that shit, it keeps things beautiful, and it keeps them lasting forever.

The second day, she was trying not to mind her phone and was much more With me for my feeling. Otherwise her job is her life, and she entertains herself and her clients with it by using her humor everywhere she possibly can. And she sure is funny. She is a natural comedian. She just doesn’t believe me really.

On the way to one of her so-called jobs, we stopped at a gas-station of the highway, and went together to the big empty bathroom where we ended up being silly and laughing like we used to do, especially as kids, uncontrollably.

The next day (not out of lazyness) she cancelled three bookings at work, and told the owner that it simply wasn’t worth it for her, and see you tomorrow kind of thing. Next she called her mom, and convinced her, by sweetly forcing her to not be able to say no, to being in on what we want to cook, so we can cook for us on her 1 phones-off no-work Day, in the spirit of Mila being home. Amplifying the subject as if we were a Mediterranean Spiritual family.

NEXT DAY
Wow this is very challenging! I feel kind of empty on this subject today, because there are several things/insidents, which I don’t see how to turn around to the opposite!?

Instead I’m getting filled with questions about why I have kept someone in my life, who is mostly too hurtful to me. While she aught to be the one to know me best and love me the most. Especially since I have none of my own biological family left.
I know several different loving answers for that, but it’s not the first time in life that she “makes me” feel like I should be some self-hating fool for not listening everyone else who loved me, and always disagreed of my having her in my universe at all. ….my little sister Ann-Carina……

Thanks to people like Esther Hicks, sharing her Abraham Teachings, I was doing exceptionally well here with this, to begin with, but how do I make an opposite reality-creation of things like this;

Being particular about different practical things while being the traveler/globetrotter I am, I often drag a load of food things with me, because of the experience I have with searching stuff in a different country, and the time takes to find it, if you find it at all.   But this time my reason for bringing my bio health food from Germany was also, because it’s so much cheaper, AND my gut clearly has some issue. While she knows all of this and whatever else gone on in my life, because I can never keep myself from talking about how I feel and what I’m dealing with in my life, equally much weather it’s good or bad.

But I offer her to try a peanut paste for cooking, saying we can make a sauce from it, as I always love to share nearly everything (I’ve learned it’s just a perfect good feeling way to be). ..which part she ruined (as usual, and in similar ways as my dad would ruin everything). So I make the mistake of speaking out from a silly (anxiety filled, poor, lonely, lost, currently now also homeless silly me) feeling ,,but you’re kinda´ wasting this precious product if you mix it with something like a Knorr product”. Which I said in a normal and laid back but still friendly way, a bit whiny like a little girl, in her kind of sweet way ~communication on her own terms “in her emotion-feeling language”, how she would do it and I would accept it ~love. But to which she reacted so hostile, and full of ugly shit filled the room. I indirectly apologized by saying I didn’t mean it like that, I just spoke out from an unfiltered feeling, because I’m in stress, and was dragging it all the way here by train, because I know you will be out of everything, hardly eating, not ever even buying these kinds of things anyway, and I don’t really have money right!?, so I drag it from Berlin to Randers.
But she has no mercy for anyone, not even for me, so she went on filling our joined universes with this personally mean/hateful ~unbearable energy, and keeps repeatedly saying, that we don’t touch each others foods at all, and buy each our own different foods.
But she knows I urgently need a psychological rest. And from this first day on (Monday or Tuesday it was), she has been using the paste daily, (typical her to do tuff like that) I could see it moving slightly all the time in the fridge, but hello!? I never actually opened it to check what’s going on, telling myself ,,naah, it’s just me traumatised from how she used to be”. But today, Saturday, I finally wanted to use it and found it practically too empty to make anything with.

What happened to the insisting by repeadedly saying, we don’t touch each others bla-bla.. and buy our own etc.!??

It feels a bit psycho-terror’ish for the person that she otherwise would be with me, and WAS with me, the previous time I was here. Before the crude substance returned with its energy effects, whichbshe also swore and believed it never would. But ok unexpected ways van happen, so it happened, and it is what it is. And it feels a bit self-psycho-terror’ish for me to have somehow allowed this to be possible to happen withing my life.

And this morning I get up to find my cale-chips crubled on floor ….

I asked how come, and she totally doesn’t feel a thing. Not even a giggly sorry, or anything!? Just straight up provoking my nerves n making efforts to make me disappointed~hurt~angry..

Looking at the sunset-view from her window, again the feeling comes up, how alone with everything and lonely I truly really am, but also how unnecessary such bad feeling life really is, when we can all just be wisely of love. …and at best eliminate the opposite.    I know all too well (from my own ways of being), how we can creatively from a selfless feeling of love, be there for each other through anything and everything.    So no never-having-suffered-anything type of person, or right out spoiled selfish person, or any other type of under-developed idiot, could ever fool me about how things can be.
No cold Scandinavian, German or other underdeveloped minds, could ever convince me (with their so obvious lacking in personal growth) that the entire nature and everything, should be so primitive like their own levels of understanding.

You can only see as you know. So if you don’t know much you can not perceive it all.

And now it feels like I’ve made enough effort to get out of here sane.

…and find better breads, as my environment/my influences. It does feel like times of “Due or Die”.