I SO WANT to meet this guy. I love that someone apparently sees many things the way I do, but expresses himself in more impactful powerful wise ways, in clever and ingeligent ways, so much better than I have ever done.

If anyone of you readers happen to know this guy under the name of Shahak Shapira, let me know! He has a white belt in Karate and is the proud owner of a regular-sized Penis.

See how hilariously he tweets in bad German and badly-er English, on the following link https://twitter.com/ShahakShapira?s=17

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(DANISH) Det Mest Afklarende “VÆRKTØJ” (overhovedet til-dags-dato) For Dybt Personligt Indblik 

“Menneskeudformningen”, er hvad ‘Human Design‘ bliver oversat til af min Translatør app. ..haha.. ja ja, men lad os bare holde os til at kalde det hvad det i virkeligheden officielt kaldes. Human Design (HD).

HD er i min opfattelse, en gave til mennesket, og dyrbart især (men ikke kun) inden for psykologi og psykiatri, skolesystemer (alle institutioner) og i det hele taget for alle andre relationer imellem mennesker, både privat og professionelt på arbejdspladsen. 

HD giver en os en dyb forståelse for hvem, eller rettere sagt for hvordan vi hver især individuelt er og fungerer, og viser os at basisen for det er slået fast, om man så må sige, fra den dag vi bliver født, hvilket naturligvis vil frigøre os fra en masse fejlfortolkninger osv. 

 (Udover alt hvad jeg nu vil fortælle dig her, kan du også læse mere på engelsk via: What Is The Human Design System?)

Forestil dig at kunne forstå ethvert barn grundigt fra begyndelsen af deres liv. .. eller forstå din tilsyneladende mystiske bror, søster, underlige venner eller hvemsomhelst.

Forestil dig, at din familie, dine forældre, søskende og selv dine lærere i skolen ville have haft et indblik i, hvorfor du er som du er, hvad dine naturlige tendenser er, og naturlige færdighedder du indenholder, ud af hvilke der jo er aspekter af dig som er værd at finjustere og bygge på. Forstil dig at man altid havde haft forståelse for alt den slags, istedet for at prøve at ændre på egenskaber , uden at have nogen rigtig forståelse for dem til at begynde med. 

Tænk hvis man aldrig på nogen måde havde forsøgt at presse … Dig som måske havde svært ved et eller andet, som simpelthen vel egentlig nok bare gik imod din helt egen natur at føle noget på!? , men istædet var istand til at forstå dig i dybten, og vide, hvordan man bedst kunne hjælpe dig med hensyn til alle forskellige typer ting, ved bare at vide om dit design,  og dermed forstå hvordan man bedst skulle nærme sig og komme ind på dig med noget, og hvordan man bedst kunne gribe det an at få dig til at lære noget. 

Et lille eksempel, af mine egne erfaringer med HD er fx. men nogle af mine egne nærmeste venner, der har nogle sider som jeg aldrig rigtig forstod, men som jeg istedet dømme for at være enten svaghedder, falskhedder, uærlighedder, dumheder, dovenskab, dårlig venskab eller liggende, men hvilke med Human Design som et slags indbliks værktøj, blev perfekt forklaret og redet ud for mig. 

Som de fleste andre havde jeg også mine egne ideer om, hvorfor et menneske opfører sig sådan eller sådan, og hvorfor han/hun har tendens til at reagere på den ene eller anden måde. Og mange af den slags ting, er noget man går og tager enten tungt eller personligt på den ene eller den anden måde. Men uanset hvad, så er det jo nettop den slags mangel på bydere forståelse  som skaber unødige konflikter og problemer. Venskaber, familie bånd og andre slags forhold lider eller bliver enda brudt, og Igennem HD viser det sig, at der alt for ofte kun er pgr.a. den mangel på forståelse som vi generælt går og har, hvilket for os til at drive ting helt ud over kanten, og gøre os ude af stand til at vere fornuftige og forblive urørt af ting som vi slet ikke burde blive så forstyrende rørt af, at vi ender med at drive tingene ud et sted hvor de slet ikke hører til, og dermed går glip af sandheden. DVS. i bund og grund lider vi for det meste totalt unødigt! 

Et godt eksempel, af hvad HD kan afsløre; er mine oplevelser af en pige som jeg voksede op med. Hun endte altid med at komme i dårligt selskab, når jeg ikke var omkring hende i længere tid. Jeg gik i så mange år og troede, at hun bare havde en rådden, selvdestruktiv tendens, som om hun bogstaveligt talt bare gerne ville blive …eller rettere sagt identifiserede sig med de lavere kreaturer i vores samfund, selv om hun egentlig var en af de bedste i skolen, og lærer stort set hvadsomhelst hurtigere og lettere end de fleste. 

MEN, da jeg hang ud, næsten hele sommeren 2007, med en besøgene pige ved navn Alissa, som arbejdede for Human Design (tidligere kaldet Genetic Keys), delte hun dagligt mere og mere med mig om hele dette system, på meget praktiske måder (som fx at starte med at fortælle mig alt, hvad hun kunne, om min egen “HD-chart”), og som jeg efterhånden gradvist forstod nok om det, til at blive mere nysgerrig, begyndte jeg at tænke på nogle af mine venner (især de besværlige, og de tilsyneladende mest heldige også). Så hun slog de få op, som jeg turde forstyrre hende om, og det viste sig, at min “selvdestruktive søster” for eksempel, egentlig ikke er direkte dårlig som sådan, men snarere så udefineret åben selv, at du kunne kalde hende tom (hvilket også er hvorfor hun lærer noget så hurtigt og nemt ~ hvori man også kan sige, at hun er alt for let programmerbar). Hovedsageligt viste hendes HD-chart, at hun er mere fortabt alene i denne verden, end ikke.

Alissa kiggede også på hvordan tingene så ud for os sammen i kombination med hinanden (ved at forbinde vores design), da jeg fortalte hende, at vi havde mødt i alderen 8 og 9, og selvom hun er den værste bedste veninde jeg nogensinde har haft, og har forårsaget mig mere shitty lidelse med vilje og ego, end nogen anden ven nogensinde har, så var vi på en eller anden måde altid uadskillige fra starten, og voksede op som søstre, og har hold sammen hele vores liv. Gennem alle kampene med hende, accepterede jeg hende som mit sorte får i min verdens familie, ligesom den møgforkælede lille søster hun er.

Uden at ha fortalt hende alle de ting, og uden at nogensinde ha mødt hhende, kunne Alissa lyn hurtigt begynde at forklare, at vores designs passer sammen på en sådan måde at man kan sige at vi fuldfører hinanden på en styrkende måde ~ så vi er mere komplette sammen på måder, der gør os begge meget stærkere og bedre end når vi står alene. Og da jeg på et tidspunkt forklarede noget af det til min søster-veninde, sagde hun at hun også sagtens ku føle disse ting, og der var ingen tvivl i nogen af os om, at vi håndterer verden bedre og/eller lettere, jo oftere vi kommer til at være omkring hinanden.

Et andet eksempel (tilsyneladende dumt) var en anden pige som jeg var venner med i mange år, der havde en tendens til at spille på mine følsomhedder/svaghedder og så videre. Hun var en pige, hvis skulder jeg aldrig kunne læne mig på, når noget gjorde ondt, jeg følte mig svag og fortabt. Hun ville kun være en god ven for nogen i nød, hvis hun følte, at der var noget at vinde, som f.eks. forbindelser eller enhver anden form for social opgradering, som fx. den af status. Men hun var min eneste intellektuelle ven, hvilket var noget som betød meget for mig at have, så jeg bildte mig selv ind jeg bare skulle tage det gode ud med det onde, ~ elske hende som hun er og i den dur. Men igennem tiden havde jeg også bemærket, at hun har en tendens til at være enig om store emner, og har næsten alle de samme meninger som jeg, om de fleste ting, men alligevel hørte jeg hende være enig i de stik modsatte ting med andre venner, så jeg begyndte at tro at hun bare var falsk.

MEN det viste sig, at hun på helt egen hånd, helt alene med sigselv, ikke er helt defineret hendes sind(et center hendes chart, som i HD kaldes Ajna), hvilket bla.a. betyder at hun selv ikke er fastgjort med meninger generælt, men er mere påvirket af dem der er omkring hende. Alissa sagde også, “denne pige kunne være politiker”, at hun har designet af en politiker.

Men endnu et lille eksempel af HD, er nettop fra den globetrotting-danser tid; hvor jeg var blevet bedste veninder med en kollega, som jeg boede sammen med, arbejdede og rejste med. Hun var en naturlig glad og utrolig heldig airhead. …en vaskeægte happy go lucky. Og da jeg ønskede at se på hendes design, vidste jeg allerede så mange ting om HD, at jeg gættede på, at hun blandandet måtte have udefinerede hovedcentre, og en defineret milt (også kaldet feel-good centeret) forbundet direkte til hendes ego-center (som også kaldes hjertecenteret). Og de viste sig at jeg havde helt ret.

Tilsyneladende er folk med den helt definerede port som forbinder og definerer milten og egoet, de ægte happy-go-lucky typer, for hvem alt lader til at gå næmt og hurtigt i opfyldelse. Det betyder, at det ikke er en holdning, eller at være smart og klog, og at det heller ikke har noget at gøre med intelligens overhovedet! Snarere er de så, ved deres eget design fra fødslen.

I mellemtiden havde jeg opgivet musik (allerede som teenager, tilbage i 1995), mildt sagt demotiveret og såret af min far (som selv var musiker og opvokset i showbizz) og samtidig var jeg totalt skuffet af min forskning om musikbranchen selv. Og ca. 3 år senere realiserede jeg hvad ellers for alle var en mission umulig, hvilket var at komme kom ud af lille Danmark (den hyggelige og overbeskyttede verden) og ud at rejse i den store verden ~ som for mig nettop bestod i at vere fri til at skifte land, hvornår end jeg ville og syntes. Og medens det nu var blevet 2007, sommeren hvor jeg havde mødt dejlige hjertelige Alissa, var jeg overbevist om, at musik var noget, jeg havde mistet, ved at lade det bag mig for så længe siden. ….ogs selvom jeg havde sunget helt fra barns ben, så snart jeg kunne tale, og ogs selvom jeg blev født til musikforældre, ind i en hel scenekunstfamilie. Jeg var overbevist om at den sag var helt tabt og død, fra den dag jeg havde vendt ryggen til det, for så mange år siden.

Men en af de første ting, Alissa fortalte mig om mit eget Human Design, var, at jeg har den komplette kanal til at lave musik, som er en af kanalerne, der går fra det følelsesmæssige center og helt op i halscentret. Det følte sig både godt og trist at vide, at det faktisk var, som jeg havde følt det hele mit liv, meningen at jeg skulle synge og vere professionel som sanger. ~Det havde jo altid føltes som min ting i livet, min skæbne, noget, der bare var meningen at jeg skulle. Men min far havde ødelagt min frihed i det, ved at traumatisere mig med det da jeg var helt lille, og nu blev det bekræftet / gjort mig meget mere klart af en fremmed, at det virkelig var min ting i livet, min naturlige gave. ….som iøvrigt også plejede at tage mig ud af sorg, til dagligt, i al hemmelighed når ingen var hjemme.

Men i vinteren 2009, mens jeg stadig boede på Ibiza, blev jeg til min egen overraskelse, trukket og skubbet ind i at lave musik igen. Og jeg spekulerede denne gang overhovedet ikke over, om jeg skulle eller kunne, hvilket var endnu mere overraskende. Og det blev overraskelse x3 !, da jeg indså, at jeg kunne songwrite bedre nu, end jeg kunne før. For mig personligt, var dette endnu et bevis på realiteten af Human Design.

I skærmbillederne nedenfor (i en chat på engelsk), forklarer jeg lidt mere om HD

Men det skal dog lige siges, at jeg prøver på ingen måde at promovere eller forfremme den business som Human Design er blevet til. Founderen (som jeg havde æren af at kende fra mit liv på Ibiza) Ra Uru Hu, ville blive stik tosset på mig hvis han hørte at jeg sage det! …noget ligendene er sket før. Men jeg siger hvad jeg mener og føler, og sandheden er og bliver, at den måde han har sat det hele op på som sin business, desværre ikke kommer ud der hvor det når flest mennesker, og heller ej der hvor det er vigtigst, vilket er børne og skole institutioner, samt psykologiske og pskiatriske intitutioner, for virkelig at leve op til den kolosale hjælp nytte som det her videnskabelige system virkelig indenholder. 

Så denne her essay er absolut ingen reklame artikkel, og jeg får ingen kommissioner eller procenter for min indsats hvad det her angår. 

Derimod, det jeg brænder for, er at dele denne utrolige mulighed der ligger i Human Design, for at få en bedre indsigt nogensinde, i hvordan hver enkelt person er unikt opbygget, “designet”, eller måske snarere, hvordan hver enkelt person har udviklet sig på vejen ind i dette liv, hvilket jo er det som det mest tyder på at der er sket.

Selvom jeg må sige, at for den slags dybe indsigt og erfaring jeg selv har oplevet med HD, som jeg beskriver i alt ovenfor, og nedenunder, kræver det jo egentlig (desværre), mere end blot at få dit gratis diagram/din personlige “free chart” fra den oprindelige Human Design hjemmeside. Det betyder, at du i bund og grund vil vere nød til at få en fuldstændig personlig “chart-læsning”, af en af de såkaldt uddannede, som man kan få kontakt til på deres side, ELLER, en anden mulighed er også, at selvstudierende gennem deres bøger, hvilket jo i bund og grund er og bliver det bedste, hvis du selv gerne vil vere i stand til at slå dine venner, bekendte og din families personlige charts op, og vere i stand til at blive klog på dem.

Jeg kunne dog godt tænke mig, at rejse rundt, og give foredrag om mine HD-oplevelser, og udbrede bevidstheden om dette værktøj korrekt, til virksomheder, institutioner og folkemængder af private mennesker, da jeg føler og kan se, at det faktisk er meget nødvendigt i vores rodet menneskelige verden.

Jeg kan enda se det relevant i forhold til, når man som ung SKAL vælge hvilket erhverv man vil bruge sit liv på, fx. hvis du ønsker at gøre det så personligt tilfredsstillende og så unikt som overhovedet muligt, så er HD det eneste klargøringsværktøj, udover lige selvfølgelig din egen intuition, som kan være svær og forvirrende fornemme, mens HD er meget lettere at forstå for de fleste, end deres egen intuition er. …de fleste af os er ikke så gode til, eller så vant til, at følge vores intuition, inu.

EKSTRA: man kan også, få en chart på sit kæledyr.

MERE PERSONLIGT: hvis du finder denne artikel interessant, så PLEASE vær sød at dele den. Eller støt min vanvittighed, ved at følge denne blog.

TAK FORDI DU LÆSTE. • Jeg ønsker dig en perfekt dag.

         

I am in no way trying to promote the business, that Human Design has become. I get nothing, no commissions or any such thing from this article at all. What I am trying to do, is to share this incredible opportunity of propper insight, to how each individual is uniquely designed, or perhaps rather, how each individual has developed, on their way into this life. …which is really more what it indicates.

Though I must say, that for the kind of deep insight of experience, as the one I myself have had, as I describe in all the above, it does unfortunately require more than just getting your free chart (on the original Human Design website). That means, as you will find on their page, you can get a full personal chart reading for the full insight to your own design. OR even better, will be to self-study through their books, which then also allows you, to read and understand anyone elses chart, that you might be interested in. Plus, then you can even help your friends and loved ones to get deeper insight.

I would however, love to travel around, giving speaches about my HD experiences, to more effectively spread the awareness of this tool, to both businesses and institutions, as well as crowds of private people. Because I can feel, and see that is it clearly highly needed in our messy human world.

And in fact, it is well extremely useful, when your people HAVE TO choose what profession to spend their life on, if one wants to make it as personally unique of a choise as possible, then HD truly is the only clarifying tool, besides ones own intuition, which can be hard and confusing to feel and make sense of, whereas HD is much easier to understand, than intuition is. ..at least most of us are not so good at, or so used to, hearing that inner voice, and making proper sense of it just yet.

Though I would say, that HD, as well helps to clarify, that inner voice of intuition, as you get so much more clear about your own uniqueness, in such a practical way.

EXTRA: one can as well, even get charts for ones pet.

MORE PERSONALLY: if you find this article interesting, then PLEASE SHARE it. Or support my madness, by subscribing to/following my blog.

THANK YOU FOR READING. • I WISH YOU A PERFECT DAY. 

• Read More on this toppic (in English); HERE

imagining away like a child ~ creating the opposite in detail, automatically and continuously forever deleting the all self-absorbed, blind and crude behaviours and attitudes. 

I knew I hadn’t the psychological capacity at the moment, to withstand any of the negative and aggressive provocative energies, which always seem to be generated, in most any person taking coke on a daily basis, 24/7.

But mostly I find a way with anything, as there is a solution to everything. And sometimes you can turn a problem into an opportunity.

But I had decided to focus on all and any positive aspects I could find, and so I do it, against all odds, and against all impossibility. And what I arrive to in my fantasy, is almost to good to be true. …almost feeling like a lucky baby piggy so cute, but with wings. So soon I´ll be in shape again ~ all recuperated, and flying free again.

So I keep on doing this to survive, to keep my head above the poisonous waters here.

It’s so good to be here!
I’m so surprised how sweet and loving MY SIS is behaving. It almost freaks me out!? She is so open and honest about …wow!?, everything, even her substance abuse. We’ve never felt closer. And as we spoke and discussed about it, she said she found herself getting really clear about it with herself, for the first time ever feeling So extremely objective, from just talking and actually formulating all the feelings of it in to words to me, feeling safe to be deeply open and dead honest, laughing and frowning sometimes in agreement and sometimes in disagreement, freely without feeling disturbed for her openness ~without it ever being turned against her.
She is totally open to my feeling of things, and rather tries to explain to me what is good in something I disagree with, to get me with her on it. I mostly do feel with her in all, and end up having to chose voting for the better angle of options about some things. And she is so gracefully agreeing to disagree, without any anger and frustration.
She says she wants to enjoy being made more aware of different angles, of better suiting options to ponder, untill the day she makes the move to stop doing something, or till changes her perceiving point on something.

It was a nice long and very connected conversation, coincidentally no phones or any one or anything disturbing us, getting carried away in spilling our hearts to each other, and get tripping on digging deeper and getting even more clear about things, like we both know we both got some unidentified detail of dirt somewhere unnoticed, which needs some search and find, to figure out what it is, in order to figure out how to cleanse it out and away.
This time it was her, who felt most funny over how putting it in words to me, made it tangibly crystal clear to herself, revealing what she wants the next steps to be, and with that as well what the next work years shall look like. Feeling the epiphany to implement some new energetic changes and adjustment, of how and where to spend the most attention on the energy-flows.

AND IN THE REAL OF REALITY, lucky for her that I know, that she is so good in how she goes into what she has decided, and makes the way shine with her creative and humor. WHEN SHE REALLY WANTS SOMETHING.

FIRST MORNING,
as we got up, she reacted so sweetly when she saw my bio foods all placed in her kitchen cupboards with all her stuff, it made me feel so welcome. The fact that she was saying she found it so sweet, how I tried to match where she keeps what, and that it feels so cozy to see all my stuff filling out spaces here and there, that it feels like someone has arrived home.
She made me feel so wanted, appreciated and above all BELONGING, that I rushed to give her a long cozy hug, successfully interrupting the feeling to cry, feeling like I have landed in safety, in unconditional love, where I can let my “deform existence” be showing as it does (so I can absorb it and digest it, to get through it and rid of it), while also totally relaxing aside the process, being in a place where I am so wanted and appreciated, that I can’t do anything wrong, where my attention is automatically being changed to better happier thoughts ~better vibes, because I am in an environment of pure love. This is where I recuperate my health, and I can feel it already. This is where I heal my heart and spirit.

Ok, like this it does feel like having arrived home. Wow!? 

She reminds me so profoundly of what it feels like to be loved, that I realize I had forgotten a few depth factors of what it actually does inside me.

We do ALL NEED a safe space of pure unconditional love, to rest and recuperate.

When I expressed that I felt worried about exchanging the few of my euros, in fear of ending up in some situation where I don’t even have money to at least just leave, she couldn’t believe that I still considered her to even just maybe still be capable of behaving like that which we call jewish between the two of us (because she’s a quater jewish and has always had that tendency to be very stingy).
My only sister, and best influence. My serious, figure-it-all-out and organize-it-all, highly sensitive,  lonely, and in need of feeling loved and wanted Sister. At a time like this, why would you expect that I wouldn’t take good care in All ways of you.
And when you even heard all I did for that young guy, who had so much stupid depth, just for drugs!?, you don’t think I would do more for you!?” Then she paused for a while, while I had nothing yet to to say, and then she said ,,I have to say, that! bothers me. It hurt at first, but now it rather just bothers me. I think maybe you are also traumatized from me!?”

Then I immediately responded ,,No I’m just in a bad place with the world around me in general, for too long, so stuck in perceiving bad feeling things coming at me, used to getting hurt and disappointed, too much. I am not traumatized from you anymore, since those times I was here working for you, when your new job was still complete news to me, and you took me shopping on your bill every time. Then I was stunned, and you kept impressing me with lovely reactions. And you came after me in the park, where I had gone down to cry and wish over everything alone. Then you showed up, and I couldn’t believe it, I started, for the first time, to really truly feel your love for me, I was blown away and started to really believe in you from that time, realizing then and only then, that i had never, sensibly, before, felt such good faith in you.         But, … or And!?, now you take that … stuff, but you behave to me like you must be on e really instead!? No, I know you would pay my ticket or give me money for something necessary. But I so want to, not have to ask for anything, and be fully well off self sufficient and free financially. I know worry is a waste, I’m sorry. I am all lala up there man.”

Before we went to sleep she told me where she keeps the cat’s food, and asked me to please give him so and so much at whatever hours, while she’d be gone all day. And the whole way she was so normal cool and kind about it, it was just so relaxing and kind. All at ease.

I know it seems like I’m tripping, getting high on nothing. But this means the world to me. This means I have good family, which is even good-feeling for me also. That is big. That is huge for me.
And it also means, that I have not wasted my love, nor my time and efforts, our whole lives ..hahaa… We get our own paradise before any death. Together we always can do anything and everything, when in those good connected modes of ours, full of fearless unconditional love and trust. Then we are powerful. And it feels like we can conquer the world. …which is always a good sign.

She told me sweetly to please keep her only shiny pot shiny free from watermarks, exusing saying that she’s a bit fixated here and there. And I was like, no hahaa.. good fixation, I love that shit, it keeps things beautiful, and it keeps them lasting forever.

The second day, she was trying not to mind her phone and was much more With me for my feeling. Otherwise her job is her life, and she entertains herself and her clients with it by using her humor everywhere she possibly can. And she sure is funny. She is a natural comedian. She just doesn’t believe me really.

On the way to one of her so-called jobs, we stopped at a gas-station of the highway, and went together to the big empty bathroom where we ended up being silly and laughing like we used to do, especially as kids, uncontrollably.

The next day (not out of lazyness) she cancelled three bookings at work, and told the owner that it simply wasn’t worth it for her, and see you tomorrow kind of thing. Next she called her mom, and convinced her, by sweetly forcing her to not be able to say no, to being in on what we want to cook, so we can cook for us on her 1 phones-off no-work Day, in the spirit of Mila being home. Amplifying the subject as if we were a Mediterranean Spiritual family.

NEXT DAY
Wow this is very challenging! I feel kind of empty on this subject today, because there are several things/insidents, which I don’t see how to turn around to the opposite!?

Instead I’m getting filled with questions about why I have kept someone in my life, who is mostly too hurtful to me. While she aught to be the one to know me best and love me the most. Especially since I have none of my own biological family left.
I know several different loving answers for that, but it’s not the first time in life that she “makes me” feel like I should be some self-hating fool for not listening everyone else who loved me, and always disagreed of my having her in my universe at all. ….my little sister Ann-Carina……

Thanks to people like Esther Hicks, sharing her Abraham Teachings, I was doing exceptionally well here with this, to begin with, but how do I make an opposite reality-creation of things like this;

Being particular about different practical things while being the traveler/globetrotter I am, I often drag a load of food things with me, because of the experience I have with searching stuff in a different country, and the time takes to find it, if you find it at all.   But this time my reason for bringing my bio health food from Germany was also, because it’s so much cheaper, AND my gut clearly has some issue. While she knows all of this and whatever else gone on in my life, because I can never keep myself from talking about how I feel and what I’m dealing with in my life, equally much weather it’s good or bad.

But I offer her to try a peanut paste for cooking, saying we can make a sauce from it, as I always love to share nearly everything (I’ve learned it’s just a perfect good feeling way to be). ..which part she ruined (as usual, and in similar ways as my dad would ruin everything). So I make the mistake of speaking out from a silly (anxiety filled, poor, lonely, lost, currently now also homeless silly me) feeling ,,but you’re kinda´ wasting this precious product if you mix it with something like a Knorr product”. Which I said in a normal and laid back but still friendly way, a bit whiny like a little girl, in her kind of sweet way ~communication on her own terms “in her emotion-feeling language”, how she would do it and I would accept it ~love. But to which she reacted so hostile, and full of ugly shit filled the room. I indirectly apologized by saying I didn’t mean it like that, I just spoke out from an unfiltered feeling, because I’m in stress, and was dragging it all the way here by train, because I know you will be out of everything, hardly eating, not ever even buying these kinds of things anyway, and I don’t really have money right!?, so I drag it from Berlin to Randers.
But she has no mercy for anyone, not even for me, so she went on filling our joined universes with this personally mean/hateful ~unbearable energy, and keeps repeatedly saying, that we don’t touch each others foods at all, and buy each our own different foods.
But she knows I urgently need a psychological rest. And from this first day on (Monday or Tuesday it was), she has been using the paste daily, (typical her to do tuff like that) I could see it moving slightly all the time in the fridge, but hello!? I never actually opened it to check what’s going on, telling myself ,,naah, it’s just me traumatised from how she used to be”. But today, Saturday, I finally wanted to use it and found it practically too empty to make anything with.

What happened to the insisting by repeadedly saying, we don’t touch each others bla-bla.. and buy our own etc.!??

It feels a bit psycho-terror’ish for the person that she otherwise would be with me, and WAS with me, the previous time I was here. Before the crude substance returned with its energy effects, whichbshe also swore and believed it never would. But ok unexpected ways van happen, so it happened, and it is what it is. And it feels a bit self-psycho-terror’ish for me to have somehow allowed this to be possible to happen withing my life.

And this morning I get up to find my cale-chips crubled on floor ….

I asked how come, and she totally doesn’t feel a thing. Not even a giggly sorry, or anything!? Just straight up provoking my nerves n making efforts to make me disappointed~hurt~angry..

Looking at the sunset-view from her window, again the feeling comes up, how alone with everything and lonely I truly really am, but also how unnecessary such bad feeling life really is, when we can all just be wisely of love. …and at best eliminate the opposite.    I know all too well (from my own ways of being), how we can creatively from a selfless feeling of love, be there for each other through anything and everything.    So no never-having-suffered-anything type of person, or right out spoiled selfish person, or any other type of under-developed idiot, could ever fool me about how things can be.
No cold Scandinavian, German or other underdeveloped minds, could ever convince me (with their so obvious lacking in personal growth) that the entire nature and everything, should be so primitive like their own levels of understanding.

You can only see as you know. So if you don’t know much you can not perceive it all.

And now it feels like I’ve made enough effort to get out of here sane.

…and find better breads, as my environment/my influences. It does feel like times of “Due or Die”.