-part 2- Forehead To Forehead Leaning On Each Other

Just as I had decided and was still in the days of accepting that *he would never call,

*Forhead To Forhead Leaning On Each Other -part 1-

I was sitting and writing another wordpress article, about us humans, involving love and fear, the two main factors that our entire species psyche is operating in and from, constantly all the time. And surely enough, in that, at some point, he came into my writing again.

But in the middle of it he called. …and any and all mysteries got solved.

But anyway back to this -part 2- here; So, he interrupted my whole other world of dissapointed-with-him-Again vibes, so that I had a total culture shock-/jetlag- type of trip from it. And on top of that, within 24 hoursfrom hid call, we met in Dresden!, later that night.

It felt both too neutral and calm, which could have been a good wise or mature thing. But then everytime passionate personal expression (for more connection) would start happening, then he either iterrupted with something totally impersonal, or just otherwise changed the subject.

I felt he was uninterested (in real human things/what matters the most in real/prescious human connection) and thereby uninterested in my person and feelings of things, unintelligently disrespectful with his lack of listening. It started to make him unsympatic, as it showed lack of cultivation, knowledge, things on deeper levels, experience, empathy, which is the general sums of the lack of wisdom.

I started feeling the disconnection, and the arguments we had on the 2nd day already, were just supporting that as well.

3rd morning was early departure in this hotel, so as I had wandered half lost home alone the night before, I had locked the door from within, so even though he had his keycard, he wouldn’t get in unless he’d make me hear him at the door.

So I woke up alone, and had everything ready to be fast down for breakfast and wait for my good friend Alex to pick me up.

But as I sat there alone at my breakfast table, I noticed myself gazing towards the people coming from the elevators, still holding on to, that he could come to his senses and walk over to me from there any moment, expressing the right things.

But I knew already now, that this was my own romantic version of the story, and eventually he walked directly from there, out to the smoking spot right outside the front doors of the hotel, and his walk appeared intoxicated.

I had just finished with breakfast and was as well ready with my coffe for a cigarette, and now I was curious about this drunk looking condition he seemed to be in. So I went out there.

He had aparently drunken with some people and smoked weed, fallen asleep on the way back to the hotel, been woken up by some bypassing kind people and had made it back super wasted in the morning

As I had arrived a couple of hours earlier, I had gone to the night-watcher in the reception, and asked if there was anything at all to eat, and he had replied, no, not until 7am. And it was sometime after 4am at the time. So I took my serious, bad mood drunken face up to bed. And apparently the same regeptionl guy, had followed his drunken highness up to the door, and found him at our door, unable to get in, and kindly offered and advised him to sleep in another room two doors down the hall, which he had willfully accepted.

But apparently there was not enough sleep time for him to sober up.

I just stood there, amd just like the evening before, I was just observing and listening to him, like you could a kid, and felt that it was useless feeling any anger or hurt, as he appeared so pitiful and lost. Yet there was nothing bad/mean about him, but rather lots of kind and adveturous energy.

Still it all fits into a kid.

I realized that I had not known a few side-character traits of his, and neither had I noticed the alcohol issue. And so there was nothing to even be sad about. Except maybe loosing myself with someone, in a dreamy and hopeful fog, instead of holding back these horses, till after having gotten all the way out of the fog, to see if we’d even come out in togetherness or seperation.

Sometimes, once you come out of the fog, you realize what you couldn’t see enough of all thenperson’s characteristics while in there, not even properly synchronized with what is highly relevant and important for you.

But we smoked together, and we spoke (mostly him though), and he invited to the military museum accross the street from our hotel, as we had talked about the day before.

There as he started getting into knowledge and history, while he was sobering up, I saw some of that what spoke to me of another, greater, more knowlegeable confidant man in him. And I made a tiny joke of it, as I told him, I hate you and I love you. Thank you for not allowing me to become lost in you.

We probably do need to be lost somewhere on some level in our lives, so the best level is with your life partner. To be able to honestly say, I can never feel lost in any place in the world really, because I feel too lost in my love at home to feel lost anywhere else, or in anything else!

The woman of such a relationship, is lost because her man always takes the time to play detective and figure her out, professionally works very successfully with what he loves to do, yet still puts her first, as his most admired and mysterious wonderful joy, who he is always keeping up with in understanding. …keeping up with her growth and development in life. And she does the similar with him, so that they’re actually helping or rather affecting each other to be tthe best version of themslves.

A man is in this state if she never stops seducing his mind, at least on some levels, and being his home-heart one, who is equally always interested to understand her partner.

The foundation of a good relationship can only be profound friendship. That’s what it means when a couple are each others soulmates, ~ they are as if each others lover, sister, brother, father and mother. They are highly intelligent and wise.

I thought Marco and I could develop something of that caliber when we first started getting close. I guess alcohol just has the tendency to get in the way of having clear and sharp ~accurately feeling senses.

I wish all humams to ne young at heart, to be able to get together without any altering substances, so they actually get to experience profound connection.


New Video Footage!  YES! Now I’m curious. 

Cool, I like feeling curious, so this is great. Something exiting and fun.

And next, immediately I’m suspecting my iPad for being outdated for this kind of task, again. But I optimistically go for it and open the files … and this is what I got !

Yep!, that is all we get for now folks (hehe.. now that I got you to feel the 🌵dissappointment with me… From the Bottom of my heart, thank you for your empatetic coGefühl!) the damn iPad can’t play Nor download it either. Nope! So now I miss my cool little spacious apartment in Berlin where I (also happen to have a “real computer”) appreciate being in my own space, where I have all at hand for any task.

Mini outdated little iPad.

Thanx for sharing this irritating moment with me. I really appreciate your empathetic energy.

…and your sympathy. ~coGefühl ❤️🐝🌱🔆 . . . 🍀
Have a perfect week.



Content But Emotionally Drained

Actually I never feel like this!? But ok now I do! And I deserve to be filled with love and such good energies.

I deserve to be with people who are wise enough to just love unconditionally, ~ who are fearless, and not so overly concerned with themselves, that they just blindly knock out someone else on their way, while they storm in n out to check if there is anything they can use for their happiness here. .. just flying through like a hurricane, knocking out whoever it was, who was there on the other end of the very connection itself, and without even realising that they fractured someone on their way.

Intense energies of what appeared to be loving friendship bond, callint itself my soul-mate, came storming into my life, and left as fast as if the soul-mate concept was just a joke on me.

It was sweet, but selfabsorbed. Not a wise multisided being of many levels.

In fact, what a cruel illusion to serve to someone. Like serving a huge delicious meal to a starving person, but just to satisfy your own sore ego’s pride, with how well your virtual reality system works.

Though tiny traces are left here and there in my flat, so that I know it did actually take place. ..so that I know it was not all exclusively just to fool me. Rather I am wise enough to know enough levels, layers and sides, to know that this somone is in their own process. But at least a whole book or more appart from where I am at.

I even felt it from far (in his expressions of fascination with fancy cars, huge TV projections and sound systems), and then I even saw fractions of it here in person, in form of signs of further mainstream expressions (in the wearing a giant wristwatch, and collecting sneakers).

But I do suspect that he might catch up fast, because of his intensity of feeling things, and expressing self-analysis and reflection. But I don’t really know that for sure, because I don’t know how much he actually questions everything in life, incl.his self, and how much he actually seeks knowledge and truth, compared to that of how much he watches (the damn forsaken) UnterHaltung of TV and mainstream media.

It all happened so fast. But it was so intense, and left me so draned emotionally, that I slept 14 hours, and all day I felt too exhausted to even speak much, feeling all day, as if a train had hit me.

Now 24 hours later, I am recovering my heart from it all.

I know I am in a time where I finally best be getting divine support and unconditional love. Even though I have no one, not even any family left, I know it is my turn now anyway. Do it however you can universe!

It’s been more than enough of people using my love and kindness in so stupid ways, just wasting it all, and it’s been more than enough of all disturbing and painful events. It is time for the so far life-long ongoing theme of abandonmen to stop for good now.

Its also time for me to be here for me now. I resign from being living for others. It is time for me now.

This love that came by to just greet me, was a perfect example of, how I need to be taking care of me, face that there is no human hero nor saviour, besides myself. It is time to face that I am the hero and saviour that I wish for.

Humans are not here to love me, nor to help me, not even to understand me.

So fine with you all, showing me that I don’t have to keep serving and putting any of you first before myself anymore.

It’s good to know that I have lived my life for you all long enough, and that now, in order to ballance the scales, it is time for me to live for me.

I use it this experience as a reminder to love myself. So thank you for the reminding lesson.