The torturous (partly selfinflicted, partly meant to be) times are ending their chapter. Now I have been processing a whole lot, not yet sure if I’m done with all the parts of processing, but I feel the growing from it all has begun, days ago.
…looking as if she heard my thoughts, and is asking; you’re growing too!?
Well yeah, but luckly not in size.
I have begun to remember forgotten good and strong/powerful parts of me, now I guess those are in a renewed light, now having had more (hard and cold) lessons. …of which all the results of having grown from hose lessons, now gradually are adding to the whole of me, as the different parts of all the growing complete, bit by bit. Some parts slower and some other parts faster.
Occasionally some part might still hurt, as for example everytime I see »him« (because once in my hear ~ always loved). »Him« who never understands, he who so clearly has never suffered in life, he who seems to have a very tiny emotional intelligence, which makes him seem so inhumane, so incredibly untouched/cold. All of which hurts when I see him. …so full of himself, so uninterested in weather I’m well or not, rather loving to demonstrate how happy he is, and how much he enjoys things which are hurting or otherwise feel like a knife cutting to me… things which stir up reasons of existential depression.
I have gotten away. Though, I haven’t gotten completely through it all with myself yet, havent healed from it all just yet. I guess obviously 6 years don’t perfectionize in 6 days, nor 6 weeks, but perhaps within 6 months. Especially if enough good happens to be ~ for me. … all though I know things can change over night, or in an instant, whenever all the right factors come take effect.
So I am focusing on searching out the positive details, parts and aspects of anything and everything.
My life is all my creation. I allowed the painful lessons to happen. Though subconsciously. But now those are finished, and I’m gradually coming into my full power/my full redefined self, to stand in my suit of dramatic beauty, enveloped and eveloping in stunning healthy nature, surrounded by and filled with unconditional love.
A lovely gemini kitty, like me.