AM I SO INTELLIGENT THAT IT MAKES ME STUPID!? 
..well obviously it can not be, that I should be so stupid that it makes me intelligent. 

OR am I just so plain mediocre!? …hm., but when I pay attention to the most of people, it is clearly not that either. So maybe I am just enough intelligent beyond the average, which could be too intelligent for my own good!? Or just so sane that it makes me insane, in this world. Now that feels right on point, as well as something to do with being beyond average intelligent. But sometimes I think that this which I am calling intelligence/taking for intelligence, might be more of a being-in-tune kind of thing (in some of the ways that we can be in tune, which are many). Putting that into words, so that it makes somewhat sense, would be making a short story long. But one “small” of that can be, just being so pleased about what is natural around you, the nature that you can find yourself enveloped in, feeling such intense pleasure about it, that it litterally brings on a physical effect on your being, perhaps “just” inform of a smile. While that effec, stly something most of us underestimate, because in reality, in that very moment, all your cells are filled with joyand appreciation, which is the highest state of vibration that a human body can be. It is an elated state. And while many other things besides the nature can make us feel and thereby be of such good powerful  vibrations, if we could actually feel like that all the time, there would be no missery, no figh, no sadnes, no pain, no war, no illness etc. …but then contrast would be missing and we would not know what we want. …and instead we’d be fluttering aimlessly about, and that would eventually have some consequences as we are here in this physical ralm to be shifting through contrast, in order to lear and grow. 

Well, back to …my missery actually. My personal quests in this world of contras. …is what it is the, in reality. (ok atleast I got that much clear so far by writing ~ making the efforts to put matters into words that one can somewhat if not completely understand. 

Well, I have mostly always felt as if I don’t fit in to this world (with most other humans) at all!? …only whenever I am totally and completely independent, even from the daily ways of most classic society, by living according to my own ideas and thereby as if I don’t need anyone. BUT EVEN THEN there is always a sadness of feeling lonely, dwelling inside me. But lonely because I percieve such details in between everything, which nobody else seems to be aware of, which nobody else seems to be concievable of, at least it is extremely rare. And when I finally do come accross someone who can see the fine details between things, then it’s either through a book they have written and then they are as well from another time, and unfortunately dead long ago. Ocassionally I have also actually really met someone, who can join me on-my-level as we call it, but then such a person is mostly either much wiser than I, and not actually intergrated in my world, so that I can not spend time with the person, or it turns out to be the kind of person who just somehow is able to just link on to my state of mind and perceptions for the time that they are alone with me. …and it is when I at some other points in time experience that same person with some other people, speaking from totally opposite and/or small perceptions, that I realize this weirdeness about them. But at least there is this thing called Human Design, which manages to explain what it is that happens in such people, which shows that they are not even being fake, that it is rather one of thir natural traits, and some of those would fit right into the role of  being a politician with that trait. 

Could it perhaps really just be that my dad made me feel so unwanted and so as if I had no right to Be, that I am not able to be freely me enough to attract the right …partners/friends etc. !? I do feel that is the “shoe which fits” best, but what can I do about it, when I never get anywhere with this alone?; can’t stay objective enough alone, always ending up getting caught in those old nets in my mind and psyche, to much to deep, when always alone with it. …with my dad there was never a hug or any thing that even could look like a compliment, rather more, everything about me had to be critisized and hated on, everything down to the smallest details, even how I feel or don’t feel, even what I like and don’t like, even how I eat. 

I Feel lost in the world of converting my skills to profits, and most of the time to even just notice most of my skills, the way other people tend to see great and even rare skills in me. 

I feel lost with all my good ideas, always being alone with them. 

I feel lost with all the complexed things I perceive, which are the same skills that make me be the person most friends come to for advice and problem solving, even soul-searching and more. 

I feel lost whenever I have been told that I am an extremely powerful person. 

I feel lost with almost any admiration. 

I Feel lost in trying to understand why I feel much more comfortable when giving a present/gift, than when receiving a present/gift, although I have often noticed that I give too much of me until someone starts abusing/misusing. 

I feel lost in how good I can actually understand …what feels like anyone, on any level, with anything, to really be there with them and even be of the kind of help that they couldn’t find anywhere, and while we always solve resolve and figure it all out, I seem unable to understand myself enough to actually really help myself. 

I feel lost in how come I can connect with pretty much anyone, no matter their backgrounds, but not able to use it for my own sustainability. 

I feel lost in this world, all though i apparently have an iq of some 148 (but which to me is an idiotic way of measuring someones intelligence/potential, because as I suspected, and therefore tested, if you feel good and fresh, you can score well in those tests, but if you feel stressed, or ill, or just tired or so, then your score becomes quite bad. While at the same time, many people who are quite stupid (who have no depth, who’s intelligence is only good for simple and rather egoistic tasks and aspects of daily professional life) are anyway able to score very high as well, just because they are healthy and alert. 

Basically an iq test actually says, that is ignorrance very intelligent. Hello!? 

(An extremely simple example of such a person, could be, that he/she discovers the info. saying that the cosmos is constantly expanding, and even though they somewhat understand …or rather, believe that, including that everything is actually rotating/spinning, and that obviously it’s all as well part of the same whole, they will anyway hold on to that our earth/planet has always been the same size that it is now.) 

I do realize that such people have a lot of different narcissistic and even psychopathic traits, and that a psychopath is rarely a serial killer or any such thing, but rather that such people are more, the types who very often are very neat and clean, even regarding never leaving any garbage in the nature, while on the other hand they immensely support all the superficial, fake and bad things in our human-to-human world, only minding happy things, and seemingly happy and satisfied attitudes, while not caring at all for the more true and deeper facts of anything, nor the deeper feelings of anyone, as he/she herself do not have any deeper concerns, rather only simple daily rhythms n habits is all they feel any concern about, while being very self praising and self admiring of character (which can be a good trait, if it’s in medoration of course). 

They are typically just extremely simplistic and magnificently smooth survivors, who easily achieve a very simple but comfortable life. …careless of absolutely anything that isn’t atleast somewhat pleasing to them. 

Often such a person can even be very gently and neatly powerful in making both children and animals listen to them and easily obey, which makes them seem like good leaders on the surface, while they discard anything they don’t understand (which is a whole immense lot) and just discrediting it, taking it for being just total nonsense. They never questions anything, and their concept of truth or lies/true or false, is much too shallow, as they For Example only  believe in anything that comes on the mainstream news especially. Or for example in any matter between 2 opposing sides, they just believe who ever is more cool/calm and simplistically well spoken. 

He /she is basically rather just choosing according to what he/she likes and doesn’t like, and thereby failing to notice what it truly real or not, never mind even being able to see what underlying reasons there might be for anything, as they rather just swipe it of the table like dust. 

Well to cut it short, there is obviously different types of intelligence, and one I never heard mentioned, is egoistic intelligence. 

What I find interesting, is that knowing such people, I have carefully paid attention to, how it is actually truly working, to see what you wanna see (which is in fact rather more just seeing what you know) and how it is definitely true that, whatever you give attention to grows in your reality even into your physical world of matter, and whatever you give no attention to, dies and looses matter/existence in your own world/life. 

It’s as if Im so intelligent that it makes me an idiot. …well trying to say it the other way around makes less sense. 

… I have even predicted things, from time to time, that made no sense to anyone until the things actually happened. 

And now I feel as if I am getting fucked up /messed up /over fragmented /deteriorating. 

Universe Please Help Me! 

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