Looking in his eyes, still seeing what I was percieving in him and about him, even though things seemed to take a turn which proved him to be somewhat different of character than the impressions that I had been receiving. …seeming to be rather deceiving. 

So now as I see his charming face everyday, and look in his eyes, those impressions still protrude into my percieving (probably just because I hardly can bare the changed reality, and the current facts gradually replacing the memory), yeah It’s such shame that he turned out to not be a real friend, it’s such a shame that he made me feel worthless, it’s such a shame that he said he felt insaulted over me indicating that I feel ignored and irrellevant (~unapreciated~unwanted). And a man feeling insaulted like that, seems rather selfabsorbed/selfish/egotripping, snobby and girly to me …and on top he just felt insaulted for being told in an ironic voice-tone; thanx for thinking of me, hope you had a fckn’ great time. 

Just to selfabsorbed. …let me down ~ made me dissappointed and so very sad (on top you f all the crap going on in that damn rotten “Greenhouse Berlin”.  …made me feel worthless in his view/universe, as though he might actually be quite stupid, especially on the human connection levels. And then he held on stiffly to his ideas of things when we finally got to speak properly~made me feel a deeper sadness inside. …made me feel there being no hope for man kind anymore (just like everything else in that rotten-energies supposed-to-be artist-house. …and of course in my perception and feelings of sensing the world, life and people, it all dusted up the saddening-me-things between me and Mika as well.  

Humans are too blank in their nature when it comes to what sivilisation and community is supposed to be for us. …instead of  what it all actually is, and that mostly being against us. …manipulating us appart in every way possible, while 99% of my fellow human species can’t see it even if you point it out for them. 


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