On my way to WIRED CHILL, a bit late because I found an sms only 2 hours before, saying we have to film a promo-video for the gig in Polen. So of course better freshen up for that; dress in something cool, make hair nice, and add a bit of mascara and lip-color.
But my mind is filled with thoughts as usual, and some of those returning reoccurring thoughts are about how I could/would be if I had grown up with compliments and such good stuff, instead of only mean undeserved criticism, anger, blame and all my dad’s cruel crap!?
I would not hold back everything in me all the time, and have to push myself to express myself and my knowledge, I would not have to push myself all the time (I’m so tired of that, feeling burned out from that lately) …yeah, so I would not havve to push against my insecurities and fears all the fckn’ time to get my creativity out in the free/open. I would (just like I did all the time in my first few years) sing so much, so much more, I would create so much more, especially music/songs. AND I WANT THIS FREEDOM.