Finally Feels Human

Funny how wrong you can happen to be about someone. It turns out to be pretty insane, how we habitually and mostly without registering it, judge from a state of self protection of some degree or a nother, just to not risk wasting time or any feeling emotion on something or someone that we think will either not be of anything good for us or any worth-feeling anything at all. So we walk on with wrong impressions, wrong judgements, and totally off the truth conclusions about each other, about things and people in life, missing out on reality half of the time, by just seeing the world out from the filters of who or how we have become through our own life experiences. We subconsciously generalize everything on our way according to what we know and what we have learned and what think we know, and much more than we even realise. So yes there are plenty of times where we are totally wrong and miss out on reality.

But, before you read on,

here is a link to the “Soundtrack” of this story! …to be played on repeat if necessary/or if read slowly.


Soundtrack link opens in new tab/window!) And this song of Tash, is one of those rare ones that most people will all love, no matter what styles of music they otherwise tend to listen to. …just so you know. …and PLAY IT before you read on.
. . .

My first impression from a far, was 2 spoiled perhaps more or less rich but old kids, in a small club with little vip areas, surely to be doing coke or some drug/s. But now I know for sure, that it was obviously more of a judgement of suspition, than a real impression of a person.

It was almost cliche, but then not at all.

Later that night in the club, I breafly happened to speak to one of those two guys, which caused him to come over shortly after, and tell me that he sensed that I also felt misplaced as he did, and that I seemed different, and even a bit sad, so he was curious to come talk with me and see if he could do something good, see if he could share and generate some good energy for me.

I didn’t take me to long to notice that he was sincere, and definately different as well. Already when he said that to me I though, ,,well, it takes one to recognize one”, and especially when so fast!, but I still didn’t really take him too serious, as my first judgement/impression had only cracked but not yet been washed away. …and the fact that his teeth look a bit grey’ish didn’t exactly come in his favour to me either, damn, with that look he could even be a bad greenhouser of Berlin!

But then there was this little fact, that he couldn’t be really stupid, because he took on a neat battling-energy type of communication to get to me, and made good efforts for connecting with me, and for the most part, it wasn’t stupid at all. But I still hadn’t enough reason to really register that he is actually completely pure and absolutely sane. And best of all a loving and intelligent in that higher way type of person ~ being a good listener and feeling with and therefore understanding anything.

But there he was as the odd stranger trying to just be all real and was sort of, in many other words, inviting me to equal our levels/to meet each other with our feet flat on the ground, right in the here and now that we were in.

But stepping out of our possitioned role, onto equal grounds (standing stripped of our different identity parts n pieces, even if just of the momentarily possition, to be standing open and neutral) is something that most of us hardly ever really do. …especially not while feeling we happen to be standing as the weak one in the setting. I guess he didn’t realize that.

Still in my possition, but all aware of all these factors, I didn’t see or sense enough good reason for me to get stripped/step out into some freezone idea to be all equal with this stranger. In other words, I was still in my safe/protective average daily mode, filled with my identity parts, and pieces of differentiation for seperation, as we’re all indoctrinated to be.

He bravely even faught gently with me for the contact, and made little offering gestures, but obviously buying me a drink was for me just the wrong thing in the right place, just not being anything even close to that of supporting the idea of being pure real and connecting. …nor was this stranger really giving or offering anything of real substance.

At some poin, we were stuck on exactly that which was touching too much on the main but gone messed up subject and reason for my very being there in the first place, so I walked off a bit angry, but truthfully, deep down underneath, I was actually “just” sad, feeling helplessly sorry for myself, as (in my universe) I was there because I had landed in yet another dancing booking gone wrong. But let’s not get into that. …after about a decade of everything going wrong. But let’s not get into any of that either.

Eventually I returned, all changed from dancer wear to my most normal winter clothes, it was just after 6 am, and all though I had discouraged him a bit from really connecting with me, eventually he came and sat next to me anyway, which gradually lead to second round of human-chance-to-connect-humans.

Perhaps my change of atire slightly helped allong, in the bringing me on to more equal more neutral grounds.

I had decided to stay and wait an hour for someone coming with some weed for someone else, wanting to buy some as well, since I wanted to easily and rapidly shift my state of feeling concerned and worried about everything in my existence including the world, to a state in which I would be able to go to sleep feeling alright, instead of all disturbed with sadness and worries and such bad feelings.

The waiting-for-weeds-to-grow-hour turned into two hours, during which we got to carefully and very slowly connect a bit. Then he offered me to get some of his weed, but it was already nearly 8 am and I didn’t want to kill any more of my sleep time, especially when I still had the laudry waiting, and with only one day for it to dry in a cold flat, all just last day before I was leaving Munich. I didn’t wanna hang out smoking ~meaning loose even more sleep time, and to then have to get on my way out in the cold again, in that condition, and all alone and away from the window, ~all stoned or hight as a kite.

So as he then next suggested that I just come get some weed, to just go home with, which also felt kind and generous enough, at this point also enough for me to have the feeling of not wanting to just come take something, but rather share it together, perhaps at least on my premises, so I could be comfortable enough to follow my responsible intentions. So (since I was all alone in the dancers accommodation) I sugested that he come with me, to actually enjoy smoking it together. And somehow loosing sleeptime if I’d have a nice person accompanying me going with my laundry as well, made it alright.

He was sweet, and easy to be with, wasn’t socially too anything and neither too lazy to come with me to the laundry basement, and that even several times!, as I had no idea I was supposed to bring 50 cents for the mashine. So up the stairs to the top floor’, find 50 cents, come back with it, and then just realise that it required not just one, but actually 3 x 50 cents.

At some point down there in the laudryroom we hugged, and then stood in this hug for a while. I registered the prolonging of this hug and that it felt good to hold him and be held by him, but I still didn’t make anything of it to myself, than just a possible new good friend in Munich, who I might or might not see again.

Everything went as well as it would have if I had been alone, but his company made it all feel brighter. I was impressed with him, ..with his gentle pressense, but without actually realizing this at the time. …even though I know this was the reason that I next agreed, to coming to his place with all my stuff the next morning, after my last dancing work night, to spend my last hours in Munich together with him. And so we did.

Yet I still had no idea how good we would feel, and that I’d come to feel so comfortable that I’d, not only, get to sleep quite some hours, but also!, that I would feel to change my plans (so that we could chillout some more together) and actually do so, and!, that the being cozy with him would feel so right that we’d both start feeling the strong chemistry between us. And I did debunk it in my mind, to potentially just being a passing effect from smoking weed, but it did feel better than being just that, and so I cuddled up closer. …and from there on it felt like we were communicating our feelings telepatically.

After 3 days together, I felt different, I felt better, I felt some good, I felt some sanity and some happiness. …happiness in having found and discovered something for me and/or of my kind, something in another human, that touches the feelings in me which feel good, I felt equal connection, and sanity in another human.

We quickly and easily decided on seeing each other again, in just a few days time, so I went back to Berlin, working dancing thursday to sunday, and monday without sleeping much except a bit on the way in the blablacar, I returned to love him …

And here we are.

…in that following week. (And no matter what happens I want us both to always part leaving only good feelings in each other, in always.) Perhaps today a bit hippie sounding; His name parts into, latin Sea and german Nut, so I am all … just feeling Nuts in a Sea of love in my universe, while the rest of my universe feels full of personal treasures of mine, but disrurbed with tragedy, grief, obandonment/loneliness and enough other wrong feelings to have been causing enough misfortune long enough. So experiencing this here now can only be a sign of good hapening from now on. And I’m not even hoping. I demand it.

He has a cozy idylic life. Which to me is slightly ironic because its city life. …in Munich. But even though it’s city life, he happens to live in a calm and neat neighbourhood area of old classic buildings, with a nice looking cafe bakery on the corner of his street, plus restaurants, lounge bars and all the stores you need, are all around in short walking distance. And even though it’s Munich, he happens to be lovely (very hippie’ish), and more of a free soul like I am.

I find him rather highly intelligent, for someone who actually lives that very normal mainstream common classic and not to mention safe life, being always in the same place ~ surrounded by the familiar and the friends, and having family as most anyone has. While he even has his situation set up so easy and convenient, that his work place is not only just 5minutes walk down the street (and accross a long square with good future options) but as well it’s his dad’s business, and even quite an idylic and innocent one, with especial/skillfully selected good quality (and demeter) coffes and wines, and the occasional other small special things of good quality. All making it more less likely to have produced a lovingly differen ~ an out of the ordinary type of good layered person. Commonly that does not seem to be the general.

And getting so good allong with me, makes him the best kinds of weird on top of it all.

It’s all feels like a nice surprise.

The more time we spend, the more right it feels. And being in each others arms feels like home.

I don’t know how I’m gonna manage to actually leave. …for some dancing booking. But where else will the money come from!?

Universe! ,you have 24 hours to show me that!


Remember This ?

Suddenly this clear memory about feeling truly loved!? The different extra eneries that float in your own universe while you’re truly loved/deeply cared for. …almost as if there are some sparks in your life.

And if its not from the moments, inspirations or results of natural connection with best friend home mates, then while you both are wrapped in each other, be coupled in speres with plenty of social life, and still flirting with life in general, even your solitude is a different one all the while. You enjoy it more, and want more of it, which is even good for you at the same time. Especially under those full-of-love circumstances.

I remember what it all feels like … your world environment being mostly Iif not entirely of love.

Including that silly feeling love …something not only juvenile’feelin at times, but even absolutely irresponsible in a safe world of love.

Everything mainly always possitive.

Always something to do with curiosity, experimentation and being advetorous. …the ever-growing individual. …someone somewhat wise, with some childlike spirit and sensitivity.

Yeah, loving and being loved!?


Trippy Club in Munich (ins privē)

The club looks like the afterglows of a psychadelic trip. Let’s call it “Club Trip Privē” munich.

It’s a kitch, cool, tacky, 80’s/90’s of today kind of looking place. It actually has good potential.

…and plenty of fancy bottles …

One could even run a partylifer’s reality show here!

It looks very cartoon like …

And this like some computer game!

Or a party room on a space ship!

Everchanging colors …

Always changing but staying the same …

But the owner seems not to care or know what to do with it. He’s an old man, and he doesn’t look like a man of the right connections for any of what I can imagine here.

And his hipster/mainstream looking son wants nothing to do with the business.

Instead, the level is totally lost in this place.

But this could be the safe party-haven in munich, with staff behaving of niveau, and with joy to see you and serve you. … I’d go for Angelo as bar man, and Japanese girls in the bar/waitressing, like the sweet n cute one I met in Berlin August 2018. I’d go look for her as well.

There are always some key people to make a place booming good I’ve learned. And I do have a few more key people in mind, and one of them is even from Munich.

Besides the dressing room (and office), here’s only a few very minor things to change and adjust, otherwise the place is to stay the way it is, looking the way it does, and be an underground private party club for party-talk-n-dance types of spenders. Where dancers get paid for their time to join a table, and do “flirt/table-dances”, which are lap- and/or tableside- dances, and are emphasized as something you always pay for.

For the dancers, it’s 2 or more songs at a time; doing them as the stageshows, in sets, as well meaning you don’t get topless until the 2nd or 3rd or 4th song, and the backstage insider mission is to extend that indefinitely. Each month we celebrate the longest lasting non-topless tableside-dance / lap-dance ever, including whoever scored best on the month.

There are dancers meetings once a week or month, or however needed, which could be partly or entirely spent with choreography as well as/or talking, and/or celebrating.

We have one on one (max.a pair) pole-dancing lessons, OPEN TO THE PUBLIC, either private on weekends, or in the weekly setting of our “creative-work-cafe” afternoons.

We provide you with a flexible online booking scedule system. Simply choose, day-lessons or party bookings, pay&booked, with ec/paypal/visa/crypto currencies/…).

~ ctp Slogan:

Keep flirting with life,

have Oysters & “party-dances”.

Underground PrivateMembers PartyClub “club trip privē” ~ctp


These people are partylife people and not just the average anyone. But they’re all good! …fun/generous, chilled/lovely, high/weird, cool people are in this “hobbyhole”.

Between artists and architects, people undercover and the occasional celebrities, the local dude and the old loud latina madame, there is every type of nightlife person, like some perfect line-up of movie characters.

Would be good to think up a new idea, on what to post women as, instead of sex objects!

…women should be portrayed truthfully, as the caring intelligent deep feling beings and team-partners/skilled team-players that human females are, of their rather logical nature.

Bling Bling is ok.

Yes, it is very much so a Champagne club at its basis. It’s etiquette here, as a guest, to indulge in this “bubbly ticket” to the insider club corners of the club.

You can as well pre-order oysters and/or strawberries.

Champaign bottles start at 500€ +ab300€/h per dancer to go to the comfy corners / the vip of ctp.

Life Is Bubbly

like Champagne in the

club trip privē

“ctp munich”

You have your own bubble too! “Relax & Admit It”


You arrive pretty straight or sober, or both, with the attitude to be of pleasure/joy, and the intention of keeping your club bubbling on forever more.

Coat-check includes coats/jackets and mobiles/smartphones and other film/photo equipment.

You may request, personalization of your party event! …or spanking haha..

You will Sign your membership/agreement with our establishment, declaring that you will not post anything of what goes on in here, and neither will you tell or in anyway share WHAT GOES ON IN HERE, with anyone.

YOU MAY, say that you had one of your best party nights in “ctp”.


By day the place is an artist cafe, “Cartoon Cafe”, full of cartoons and cartoonist magazines, with creative people drinking the cheapest of healthiest coffe and best sorts of bio teas that we have ever come across. Free fast wifi cafe/work station. …with cool hip & humorous staff.

At certain hours of the day there are meals of a healthy but tasty weekly menue, and at ten pm the place turns into the ctp/ “Club Trip Privē”.

Everything is creatively, intelligently and pragmatically thought of and taken care of.

There is as well, a special very cool room with a strong and immediate smoke-sucking system, for the smokers to go have a fag. …or a few.

– VIDEO > smoke salon <

…is for some reason (perhaps memory space) having trouble uploading!?..damn it.

The bar sells sweet indian cigarettes only. And when you ask why, you’re told it’s just for fun.

Intelligent Life Found!

Highly intelligent beings are not always smart and clever. But they are sensitive enough to care in general, and they sense things. They even sense when to say or do something, and even how to best deal with whatever or whoever.

Sometimes they are even very gentle.

They also don’t just hear, they actually truly listen as well. …and with feelings. Yes, they have empathy for all and everyone or so it seems.

Sometimes they have too much empathy for their own good. So they often need each other/like-minded/like-hearted others, to be and feel deeply/propperly connected in life.

They take pleasure in making you feel good (because they feel with you). They take honor in being there for you.

Such are, highly intelligent beings.

Somehow against all odds, a such person has found me. Yes, a human one, wow!

Within 24 hours of writing this*.

And now I naturally feel more connected on planet earth. ~ I feel some reminding something of good sense in existence.

Heard and listened to, cared for, even understood and loved and wanting to discover my ways of being my best in return-feeling.

So yes, I feel connected.

Turning Dark Into Light

It has got to stop!

Like a sad lonely scene by night in an old movie, where great painful, soul-torturous injustice has been done onto the only one who was caring about everything, spending their efforts taking care of all things around them, the one who was as well sharing with everyone, even while not having much, giving to everyone, even when they were not the ones who really needed but rather just wanted and wanted, and used up all things for no good purposes at all.

Such kinds of states of sadness, have come over me several times in life, no wonder!, but has been coming over my sensory system almost daily since all these years I have lived in Berlin. Gradually nore and more, till at some point it was constant. But weather it came from Berlin itself, or the cold emotionless man (I eventually realized) who I came here with, or pehaps both. He sure turned out to be blank like a plain empty wall, with as much feeling as a common dog, as much of emotion as a robot, and Berlin sure has loads of dark pulling energies, though coming mostly from the so overly conformed n disconnected cold Germans. They really are special in that inhumane sector of behaviour in this world. And next after them, come the scandinavians and the english.

Whenever those dark feelings have come over me, the sensation feels as if being the energies of all worlds that have ever been in dark times, with tremendous sufferings of horrific injustice. Where the good people were used, abused and too many even killed, just so that the spoiled mad ones could have their undeserved ways.

The other day when talking about how famous people expect everything for free and think that everyone wants to either suck up to them, be their best friend or even be them, and how most rich people rather spend 20.000 on alcohol in a club than just half of that or even much less on helping someone up and ahead, a good friend of mine said, it is always the ones who have the least that give the most. And ironically enough, that is the most classic truth.

It also reminds me of how my experiences made me conclude a long time ago, that the loveliest most real and authentic people, who give off that energy of inner fulfilment and feeling the most joy from nice moments and togetherness with friends, are pretty much always the poor people.

And as always, I don’t bellong neither to the poor or to the rich, nor to the middle. I don’t bellong anywhere, while at the same time I just fit in everywhere and recognize some of myself in everyone.

I grew up feeling old, and mostly bored and annoyed with people my own age. …especially females. But then males on the other hand, as nice, straight and simple as they mostly tend to be, they were sadly disappointing on the connecting and bonding notes. They either need breasts in their face, or to have their favorite body part inside a womans body.

Yes it does sound like humans are ill and disturbed, and the most intelligent and highest educated ones do actually see it as being so.

But whatever the truth about all that is, my own whole being, as well as any unwhole of me, has been over filled and can not contain any more of Dark energies. Now all the darkness just plain naturally backfires. And any fire is light. Obviously. Which means, in other words, that darkness has not any chance. Not anymore.

Now all darkness turns to light.

And funny enough, we are in the silver age now. Since December 21, of 2012. And as that cycle is going upwards now, the golden age is next.

And I am not even making any of it up! I didn’t even figure any of that out. I just write this to remind myself of the currently growing good facts of this plane of existence, while I feel surrounded by stupidity.

-part 2- Forehead To Forehead Leaning On Each Other

Just as I had decided and was still in the days of accepting that *he would never call,

*Forhead To Forhead Leaning On Each Other -part 1-

I was sitting and writing another wordpress article, about us humans, involving love and fear, the two main factors that our entire species psyche is operating in and from, constantly all the time. And surely enough, in that, at some point, he came into my writing again.

But in the middle of it he called. …and any and all mysteries got solved.

But anyway back to this -part 2- here; So, he interrupted my whole other world of dissapointed-with-him-Again vibes, so that I had a total culture shock-/jetlag- type of trip from it. And on top of that, within 24 hoursfrom hid call, we met in Dresden!, later that night.

It felt both too neutral and calm, which could have been a good wise or mature thing. But then everytime passionate personal expression (for more connection) would start happening, then he either iterrupted with something totally impersonal, or just otherwise changed the subject.

I felt he was uninterested (in real human things/what matters the most in real/prescious human connection) and thereby uninterested in my person and feelings of things, unintelligently disrespectful with his lack of listening. It started to make him unsympatic, as it showed lack of cultivation, knowledge, things on deeper levels, experience, empathy, which is the general sums of the lack of wisdom.

I started feeling the disconnection, and the arguments we had on the 2nd day already, were just supporting that as well.

3rd morning was early departure in this hotel, so as I had wandered half lost home alone the night before, I had locked the door from within, so even though he had his keycard, he wouldn’t get in unless he’d make me hear him at the door.

So I woke up alone, and had everything ready to be fast down for breakfast and wait for my good friend Alex to pick me up.

But as I sat there alone at my breakfast table, I noticed myself gazing towards the people coming from the elevators, still holding on to, that he could come to his senses and walk over to me from there any moment, expressing the right things.

But I knew already now, that this was my own romantic version of the story, and eventually he walked directly from there, out to the smoking spot right outside the front doors of the hotel, and his walk appeared intoxicated.

I had just finished with breakfast and was as well ready with my coffe for a cigarette, and now I was curious about this drunk looking condition he seemed to be in. So I went out there.

He had aparently drunken with some people and smoked weed, fallen asleep on the way back to the hotel, been woken up by some bypassing kind people and had made it back super wasted in the morning

As I had arrived a couple of hours earlier, I had gone to the night-watcher in the reception, and asked if there was anything at all to eat, and he had replied, no, not until 7am. And it was sometime after 4am at the time. So I took my serious, bad mood drunken face up to bed. And apparently the same regeptionl guy, had followed his drunken highness up to the door, and found him at our door, unable to get in, and kindly offered and advised him to sleep in another room two doors down the hall, which he had willfully accepted.

But apparently there was not enough sleep time for him to sober up.

I just stood there, amd just like the evening before, I was just observing and listening to him, like you could a kid, and felt that it was useless feeling any anger or hurt, as he appeared so pitiful and lost. Yet there was nothing bad/mean about him, but rather lots of kind and adveturous energy.

Still it all fits into a kid.

I realized that I had not known a few side-character traits of his, and neither had I noticed the alcohol issue. And so there was nothing to even be sad about. Except maybe loosing myself with someone, in a dreamy and hopeful fog, instead of holding back these horses, till after having gotten all the way out of the fog, to see if we’d even come out in togetherness or seperation.

Sometimes, once you come out of the fog, you realize what you couldn’t see enough of all thenperson’s characteristics while in there, not even properly synchronized with what is highly relevant and important for you.

But we smoked together, and we spoke (mostly him though), and he invited to the military museum accross the street from our hotel, as we had talked about the day before.

There as he started getting into knowledge and history, while he was sobering up, I saw some of that what spoke to me of another, greater, more knowlegeable confidant man in him. And I made a tiny joke of it, as I told him, I hate you and I love you. Thank you for not allowing me to become lost in you.

We probably do need to be lost somewhere on some level in our lives, so the best level is with your life partner. To be able to honestly say, I can never feel lost in any place in the world really, because I feel too lost in my love at home to feel lost anywhere else, or in anything else!

The woman of such a relationship, is lost because her man always takes the time to play detective and figure her out, professionally works very successfully with what he loves to do, yet still puts her first, as his most admired and mysterious wonderful joy, who he is always keeping up with in understanding. …keeping up with her growth and development in life. And she does the similar with him, so that they’re actually helping or rather affecting each other to be tthe best version of themslves.

A man is in this state if she never stops seducing his mind, at least on some levels, and being his home-heart one, who is equally always interested to understand her partner.

The foundation of a good relationship can only be profound friendship. That’s what it means when a couple are each others soulmates, ~ they are as if each others lover, sister, brother, father and mother. They are highly intelligent and wise.

I thought Marco and I could develop something of that caliber when we first started getting close. I guess alcohol just has the tendency to get in the way of having clear and sharp ~accurately feeling senses.

I wish all humams to ne young at heart, to be able to get together without any altering substances, so they actually get to experience profound connection.

Ok, I Give In & Admit

Surrounding environment has always been very important for my state of being. I’ve noticed throughout life, that it affects the state of me, of how I think ~and feel. So I know very well, that it has some energy/frequency to it, just like everything else does.

This place feels like some kind of greyzone. Chomutov is definitely a very weird and poor feeling place. It feels like some forgotten place that the world doesn’t know about. The lack of worldly knowledge and experience seems great here. …so tiny-world’ish, too simple, like some kind of hillbillies or so. Most of the facades of the buldings are so dull. The style and all the tones of colours still look as they did during kommunist times.

Even when whiping the sink or kitchen table in the flat here, feels lousy! It all wobbles!? The sink is not only small, but also of very thin/bad quality, so that it sort of gives in, or even trembles. Even the doors to each room here, feel so thin and fragile, and make trembling glass noises when you touch them. The stairways to the flats here are covered in a sand coloured cream pattern 70’s/80’s looking linoleum.

Feels weird to me that my friend is living like this. No wonder he feels so depressed!

In one of the old buildings, where my friend knows someone who has a oriental shop, it all appears so …well, as I went to get a glass of water in the kitchen behind the counter, I got the feeling of everything needing care and tastefullness, and even serious cleaning and renovation.

I love old architecture, and don’t understand why nobody seems to see the beauty in it and care for it here.

In general, it all appears dusty, old-dirty, lousy looking, and all the functional amenities are the cheapest of quality. Why even waste the materials on producing such things!? Well ok it’s the human monopoly-game world that causes such things. …sad sheeple level poverty is what it is.

Impressions of Luxemburg

Zenith of nothing, or so it seems.

The city does has some visual beauty of the architectural kind that I enjoy immensely.

Welcome to My Humble House

And for the moment and a few days more, as I am writing this, the city has the luck of having this so lovely extra beauty, who I’ve met here. My flatmate.

All in all, it made me see Berlin in a new light. Luxemburg has nothing, not even all my food nor personal products. So I like Berlin a bit better now.

Falling In Love, Or Healing Encounter?

The days with Marco in Nienburg, feeling getting some natural high on love is probably (now after digesting and reflecting, without even overthinking it) more part of a transpersonal journey, than merely just falling in love together. …and got to kiss each other so beatifully.

Yes together, when you humans feel such good feelings together and get into such pleasant attraction, that is some of what love is. Because all feelings have two main vibrational types of energy; 1 is fear (negative vibrations), 2 is love (good vibrations).

So absolutely and completely yes, we were in love vibrations together.

And weather humans choose to make more of that, weather they choose to be wise and nourish it, so that it grows and expands, that is a human personal choice. Unfortunately most people are just sheeple, and choose to sum and dumb it all down to just sex, have it and end it there, as if they just had a meal or so.

So far, it looks like Marco hasn’t chosen to nourish the love vibrations, but rather letting fear rule his way with the situation, otherwise he would have contacted me already.

And partly therefore, I am getting the feeling that no matter if he ever contacts me or not, the experience with him, remains a part of my healing transformation (and helps me in getting over my 7yrs previous relationship, while had left me lost from my own self).

But in fact it was probably a healing transformation for Marco as well, as he had just been left by his girlfriend, over which he was greeving (starting out with drinking some bottles of Champagne filled with 24karat gold flakes, while listening to rock music really loud, and then showing up at the ugly dive of a supposed to be striptease club (the only place to go during late hours in his tiny town)).

So surely our days/times spent together, in the way that we ended up getting carried away with each other, was helping him … AND UUPS! WHILE I WAS WRITING THIS, HE CALLED!?

…and said that he had been trying to call me since a while, but somehow his calls were not going through. He was instead just getting some message about my number not being in service or so. CRAZY!? And really strange for me to try n shift out of the reality that I was sittting there feeling as I was writing.

The very same day, later in the evening we met in Dresden. I had no idea that Dresden was so pretty and nice a city. Im very happy that I went to meet him there for the 3 days that it was, and thankful for him showing it all to me. Then my friend picked me up with his car, and Marco ended up comming with us. Then we stayed in a hotel for 2 nights more.

We had a very nice time, especially the first day and the last day. But it turns out he has some bit of an alcohol issue, and that he isnt able to connect emotionally (which I had enough of). Bit it was both nice, sweet, adveturous, agravating, disappointing, …

But it was after all an adventurous and personal growth experience, and thats about it.

So better LOVE for me,

is on its way to me.

You don’t have time. You take time!

We are witnessing a hamster wheel situation. Whatever has been done for our own good, is merely the size of a little pebble stone in some sandy place the size of for example Sahara.

Basically nothing significant enough has been done! Yet people are under the impression that we are doing better enough to have our time as we know it, go on forever more, believing it’s all good enough now, to have children, and/or to keep struggling for money, and/or otherwise go on as usual.

In other words people feel like they can applaud the few out here, who have done innovative changes, for example such as making us sort our garbage, use recycled papers of all sorts (not even knowing that the chemicals of those cause different fatal effects), and pat themselves on the shoulder for it, while having old cars gradually replaced with electric systems (even though those batteries are a much bigger hazzard to safety, and a much bigger problem for our nature to dispose, as no battery lasts forever (but as usual the creators and the media would never tell the people such details)).

So it’s all like a hamster wheel situation, where we just replace the wheel with a different one, and are still going nowhere.

It’s all run by the people with the most money, like a perfect sceme, to keep us deteriorating our home. No wonder they make insane story ideas about going to Mars, and keep the north pole and the Antarctic off limits for the people. Because these places have space for comfortable refuge. And polititians are just as fooled by these few who own all the worlds money and by that both directly and indirectly everything in your world on this planet.

We are pressented and raised with a very incomplete and very dishonest picture of it all. Whatever makes it easier to rule over us.

But nobody cares! Because most people don’t know enough about the whole truth of it all and what stages it’s all really at now. So yes, we are as a species “just” continuing the deterioration of our only home, ~this planet, ~this nature that can not be replaced (no matter what anyone says, and no matter what you want to believe, just to stay with the lazy illusion that you don’t have to take any of it serious amd be co’responsible), so that we as the mass of people, voluntarily for money, cause catastrophic crisis, which have been increasing since too long already, and have therefore now come to a point where we are all seeing amd feeling the effects of it. BUT, just because the media and the leaders of people, are not making any proper issue of it, for making us do the drastic changes needed, everyone just goes on with their same old daily stuff, while the world kind of about to burst and break right in our faces.

Hardly anyone seems to even know the multiple truths of not only our nature, which is the whole climate case, but neither do people in general seem to know about all the other levels and parts of our lives being all twisted and used against our intelligence, against our brilliance, aagainst our potentials, against wisdom, against our real human connection with all and each other, against our awareness, against our wakefulness, against our physical health, against our mental health, etc. And all of it of course just to keep us dum and blinded, occupied with preferably powerless/useless/stupidifying things, and at the max of true good, just things that do some good, but not enough to distrub the agendas of the 8500 individuals, who own the world and rule the people ~the free slaves. Free to spend most of their lifetime hours on working for money, raised to believe that our monitary system is good, structured the best way it could be, and so on. …free slaves to waste time being material and competitive etc. When really what we are to be doing with our lives, is to spend our time taking care of nature, and advancing ourselves in nurturing it, leaning how to use it all construclively well with wisdom, while as well doing approximately the same for and with each other. That’s what it means, when you hear that we are here to serve. We are of humanity, we are of this earth, we are of God in this sense. And putting at all like this, it suddenly appears all different and completely sensible amd wise, that we are servans of God. Now God being creation itself, a love frequency as some explain, and not a man type of Someone. Man being made in his image, does not mean made to look like him. It is all poetically and symbolically metaphoric.

But instead of being so bussy with irrelevant things in the distance of time, weather past or future, we are to be here in the now, minding here and now, just here.

Be here! Not in space, nor in the past or future. BE HERE WITH ALL THAT TRULY MATTERS, ~ OUR HOME,

Within Sex And Lovemaking

I’ve always felt (since my teens) that there is something wrong with people, regarding how they tend to deal with the most intimate aspect of their lives.

I’m with the impression, that most of us do know, that anything healing, supports regenerating.

As we also all know; We say make love, or have sex. ~

So either we have each other, like we have a meal, or have a treat. Or we can make each other … feel …anything that feels good. For example, make each other feel admired, wanted, good, deeply connected, intelligent, strong, beautiful, and then the whole aspect of sexy forms all naturally by itself.

Feeling becomes our being. So making each other feel all good feelings, is obviously one of the keys to good living.

To just consume each other, is obviously too dum for a species that is so capable.

Well, and then we have all the knowledge (non-mainstream of course), of the Sacred Secretion, which reveals why manipulating humans on all available points of their psyche etc., is also done on their most private, most intimate as well. …using their life energy parts, to weaken them, slow them down, dumb them down, shorten their vigorous, their sharp mind and their youth time drastically down, as well as shortening their lifespan in general. A weak herd is easier to rule over and control.

And as well a bit interesting is, looking at all the sexual stuff, from the thought perspective of the knowledge of the energetic effects of words. …that we for example do not say, make sex and have love. Because love is something we have to keep creating. So in the big picture we are making it, and only while operating in this mode, do we then actually also have it. …have love.

It is rather interesting to notice that we have to make love, and that we just have sex, much like we have something to eat that we didn’t create ourselves. So in having sex there is no effort of giving, rather, as I just mentioned, we just have it/consume it, like we have and consume a meal that we didn’t create. But making love, speaks of making/doing/giving/creating it. We say, I make love to you, meaning I give you some good feeling, I make you feel good. It doesn’t at all mean I will have sex with your body.

And while all words and sentences are spelled, so everything we say write read and think is spelled. And what we think, we then feel, and what we feel, is what we vibrate and resonate out into life and thereby to each other. So yeah, the effect of spell appears extremely useful for the rulers. …~psychopats (is part of what the lexicon should say, when you look up what a ruler is)).

If we are fully conscious of all this while we are doing it, then we have the option, not to be under the spells of spelling and many other manipulations, but to actually begin to noticeand feel the truth.

But all of this is easier for innocent children to understand, than it is for most adults, who have already been overly conformed, who have been trained by most things in life, to feel less, etc. and so forth, to be numbed and dumbed down enough, not to be able to realize. …and that to such an extent in fact, that if anyone should happen to notice and realize any of it, then when telling others aboit it, most of those others will reject in disbelief, some will even redicule and hate for it, and so on.


I remember when a new friend and I, were holding each other on my big huge futon floor-sofa full of pillows. It felt so good, and I noticed how we both began breathing deeper (which does in fact have healing effects). But when man and woman are feeling so good together, they tend to just primitively, or let’s just say instinctively, follow what they know (have been taught) about this, which is what leads them directly to having sex, which releases these good feeling energies all too soon and prematurely.

So yes, the secrets of the sacred secretion, perfectly underline and highlight the matter of the truth within this subject of having turned our sexual side against us, since it depletes the most content and strongest we can be, the best feeling we can be, and thereby of course also depletes us from being “long-time-young”, and from all the most abundant state we can be in. And so on it goes, on every levels of our lives, that the rulers of the monopoly-game society, run us into the ground before we even get a chance to realize any parts of it.

But anyway, back to those moments on my futon floor-sofa; As we lay there breathing, deeper and larger, just holding each other, I started paying attention, observing by sensing, how the situation was affecting me especially. I could feel that he also was as if melting, into this so relaxing and unwinding feeling. Timeout from the world, feeling like the best of holiday feelings. Fascinating how holding each other can have this effect of making us breathe so deeply, especially when you know the scientific facts, of all the good effects this has on our body and thereby our whole being.

Nothing else in a day can make a person breathe so deeply, without any efforts whatsoever. …without even just the effort of just concentrating on making oneself purposely breathe deep.

This was a tiny detail of life to me, but at the same time (with the knowledge of the facts of deep breathing effects) so fascinating. And to be laying there, giving my undevided attention to the sensations of it, made me notice the most effortless and most powerful healing effects I have ever experienced.

All this opened me up to the ideas of love truly being all healing energies.

So sexual healing, as in the song by Marvin Gaye is in fact, as well very misleading. And it’s about time that we stop calling this thing between us for “sex”, unless you actually pay a prostitude, or litterally mean that you will really just consume the other persons body, without feeling your way to making them feel all the good healing effects of lovemaking.

You have a nose/head/etc. and in the very same way you have a sex/a gender

Which sex is the person?, is an accurately questioning sentence in some languages. Which is worth to notice and ponder, since a sex is literally something you have, and since languages have changed in rather organic ways, throughout each generation, through thousands upon thousands of years of time before us, so that we find clues in languages of all kinds, and that especially when we look at the developments of them.

It absolutely resonates with me totally, that our sex is something we have, to create LOVE with, ~ our life energy, and as well renewed life, by which I mean offspring.

In fact all of our life energy is in the sacred secretion, which most people spill to waste completely, by having each others sex “for dinner”, when really all life, is made up of an energy that is best describes as LOVE, which then fits all too perfectly into, that our secretions is

1) for creating life energy (by not ejaculating it, but letting it travel back up the spine), and

2) to otherwise renew life (by making babies).

So actually what I see, is that when two people generate that attraction/good energy feeling with each other, this is the chance for them to generate more of the sacred secretion for all good-feelin empowering, supercharging and healing purposes, but not be so stupid to just spill it by ejaculating.

And finally now, here I have (for the first time ever) something that can sensibly explain, why men and women differently within the subject of sex; why women who hire a gigolo, mostly just want company and good conversations, while most men just want a body to ejaculate into or over. …and why since I was a child, I felt there being something wrong with the way people go about sexual things.

And more than 90% of all stripclubs are made for men, not for women, which says it all as well.

So women, who grow and deliver new life, would logically be more complex than men, and have that extra sensitivity, which causes them to not be so simple as men. So now it also looks like it’s the men who get too easily loured, and not the women so much.

…haha.. which brings a new light on to the whole Adam and Eve story, and again showing that religions have been twisted to manipulate people, waving the truth in front of them, all at the same time.

And at the same time, some of that truth in it all, is trying to tell man to keep from those louring thoughts of consuming the woman body, because it will spill his sacred secretion, and perhaps even hers as well. …or it will bring to life a baby which was not made of love.

…and so the world became overpopulated and dum.